YOZUSH. I don't know yozush who, but maybe yozush blogspot. I haven't been on for awhile because I've been pretty busy lately. Surprise.

I have been doing some super exciting psychology stuff. I am so excited. 11 upon 10 excited!

Christmas is coming! I am screwed cuz I have barely started shopping. GROSS POSS. And I noticed anglish is back as well.

**BTW MY BROTHER DAVID GOT INTO CORNELL!!** We are all super happy for him. Mom is almost more happy about the idea she gets to have an ivy son. David has been working super hard so he super deserves this. It's his big break. Beat the ivy league bitches! But Stanford for the win as well haha.

I got Dave's christmas card saying I was his inspiration. But are you kidding? Dave is now my inspiration. He is true testimony to the fact that you can do it if you fucking want something. That's something that our dad taught us and it's true.

The moral of the story is if you #@$%ing want something, go and $#%&ing get off your ass and be the %$&#ing best you can be.

Of course bap didn't quite say it like that.

I think I've been feeling a little down lately because I've just given up on work. I'm still churning out the report and speaking to analysts but somehow the work doesn't do it for me anymore.

You want the truth. It's always a fun idea to have a job that everyone wants. The prestige is great for inflating egos. It's also a fun idea to earn more than most. But when I went away I realized who the hell really cares. When school is over who is going to give a damn if you earn more than everyone else? Who is going to congratulate you when you've got your whole life confined to a desk?

Maybe the problem with me is I've always judged my success by other peoples' yardsticks, by the number of times people have said congratulations. I am not proud of that. It shows a great weakness for vanity. The problem is that when no one is looking we have to face our biggest critic, ourselves. And I am sick of running from that. I work extremely hard, and it's time I work for what I really want.

Thinking about the last couple of years it amazes me that I've pushed so hard for something I wasn't even sure of. People who know me best know that I've always been myself as a person, and maybe somewhere along the way I stopped thinking of myself when it came to my work.

Perhaps the biggest consolation is that through the last 4 years I've managed to figure out what I want for myself, and I finally feel like I have more guts than I thought.

Sometimes I feel like a furnace. Not like a fireplace. Like a broiler.

Sometimes I get agitated or annoyed. But its the same heat that makes me feel strongly about things. Like life. And working hard. Being creative. Chasing dreams.

The problem is when the temperature gets too hot.

So one of the things I need to work on is a thermostat. It's difficult because it almost feels like it's in every part of me.

But I think I need to work on it. And so I promise I will.

I have something to admit about this blog. I don't like to read the thoughts I've written down before.

More often than not I find myself cringing. How angry that post was. How emo, how poser, how ridiculous, how shortsighted and how could I have been thinking that? Just a couple of things I (and maybe you) have thought.

That's the problem with writing your thoughts down. And whether its a diary, or a blog, or a microsoft word document, it really doesn't matter. It's just embarrassing whether or not someone reads it. It's like a documentation of everything good and bad, where the in-betweens are scarce.

Despite the fact that it sucks to be reminded that you were a fool. I like the fact that your every transition is documented in words. I haven't looked at some of my earlier posts, but I know that they've really changed alot. I've come to terms with the fact that I'm most happy when I'm changing and growing.

It feels good knowing that somewhere between Post No. 16 and Post No.161 there's been a slow but sure change from someone that I'm embarrassed of to someone I'm proud to be.

So maybe by the time No.361 comes around I'll be looking back at this point thinking what a dumbass I used to be. And maybe I'll never stop thinking like that. But at least I'll be a much better dumbass than I used to be.

Haven't had the chance to write much recently because of everything that's been going on. Work has been the same but there's tons of things happening outside of work.

I'm currently working on a research study with NYU on bilingualism and psychology. In addition I just met up with Prof Tov yesterday and I'll also be helping him with his psych research on happiness and well-being. Tov works with one of the leading psychologists in positive psychology and that is majorly exciting. The harvard lessons are also ongoing and getting to be a little taxing.

Some of the other things I'm exploring is setting up a educational talk for schools, and creating a health related social networking site like facebook.

I was supposed to write some articles for the school magazine on psych but I wonder if that's ever going to come about.

I've been really busy, but I've also been very happy. I think for too long I've been doing the right things (internships) for the wrong reasons (prestige) and I am so glad that I had the chance to say "I tried it, but I don't like it, and that's ok".

When I was 12 I was sitting in the car and we drove through Raffles Place. I laughed at the people dressed in office attire and I told my dad that that would never be me.

After working as one of those people, I have great respect for an office job, especially a finance one. But I turn to my 12 year old self for the wisdom that you just have to be true to yourself at the end of the day.

Just finished my midterms online. I'm doing this psychology course with Harvard on happiness and it's been amazing. It's been an eye opener.

I sometimes wonder why people like to put themselves in categories. Arts student, Business student. Banker, Social worker. Nerdy, Cool. Artist, Scientist. It's almost like we force a stereotype upon ourselves. And we are alot more interesting than a stereotype. So why should we be only one type of person?

For a long time I couldn't reconcile where my personality fit it, where my career goals were, or how I wanted to live my life. And I've given up because it doesn't make sense trying to be a 2 dimensional figure. It's just best to be me.

So what if school ends in a few months? I'm still Ian. Part writer, part artist, part workaholic, part white collar worker, part bohemian, part conservative, part liberal, part nerdy, part hedonist, part something else.

Since I began to embrace all my interests I've been alot happier and it's made me feel like, well, me again. And I hope you can also give yourself the permission to feel like you too.

Last post before Singapore. The Boersma's opened up their presents and everything fit! It was so nice to see them trying on their new clothes and it felt like christmas. Oh I am going to miss them so much. Please don't let the airport be an emo moment. I feel so sad just thinking about not seeing them everyday.

What a ride it's been. I mean I couldn't have asked for more. I've made a promise that things are going to be different when I go back and I think it will. I feel so blessed to have been able to see more of the world, and I think there's been alot of growing up thats been done in these couple of months.

I'm still not ready to leave. But I don't think I could have asked for more. I will always think of everyone that I have met, every place that I have been, and every dream that I've set out to make since I've left home.

So it's a day before I fly and everything's almost packed up. What a couple of months it's been. The honest truth is that I've had the best time of my life and I think I've changed alot being able to go away and step out of the fray for awhile. I wonder if things will be different when I'm back, and I'm determined to remember all the things that I've learned the past 4 months.

I feel super sad to leave because it's been so amazing. One of the main reasons I have for not wanting to go back is that I'm afraid I'll slip into the same habits that I used to have. You know just being caught up with work, being too serious. Did I mention being too serious? I am so grateful for every minute that I've spent in California, New York and Toronto. It's made me a better person, a more grateful person, and a happier one for sure.

Today it was fun to spend some time with Jason in Toronto. We basically ate walked and shopped our way through toronto. We had such a good time.

Today I also bought presents for my aunt's family. It felt so good buying things without looking at the price tag. They have been so extremely good to me and it was fitting that they got the best presents ever. I have had such a great time here and I am going to miss them like hell. I can't wait to see the look on their faces when they get their presents.

In many ways I'm going to miss being away, but at the same time I really look forward to coming back.

I can't believe I'll be home in 2 weeks. I really don't know where the time went, and looking at the photos it's been the most amazing 4 months ever.

One of the reasons why I look forward to going home is because I think I've made some fundamental changes in my life and I think it's going to be a fresh start when I get back. I've made some big plans and I can't wait to get to work on them.

Credit crisis and graduation? Whatever. I think I've worked my ass off my whole school life and there's no point being pessimistic now.

Parsons!

Did I tell you guys that me and Dave ran into one of the project runway contestants when we were in NY? That was quite funny. Everytime I watch the show I'm always thinking "damn I should have done art instead". So instead of being sour grapes, this time I followed the contestants and did some sketches according to the challenge.

I think when you think outside the box, you can basically apply the same kind of principles to any kind of art, and that includes clothes.

Tim Gunn, I'll see you at Bryant Park.



the emilia


the evelyn


the shiqin


the tiff


the boons


the angs


the lees




Bryant Park someday

The Song I Wrote For You - Ian

Yesterday night I managed to record a new song I wrote. I think it's not bad for 2 hours of work. I've been watching too much Gossip Girl and I totally ran out of ideas for the chorus so you'll hear where I got the tune of the chorus from haha. The rest of it is original though.

Recently there's been alot of very jack johnson, rachael yamagata relaxed vocals so I thought I'd do something that's laid back in the same way. It's inspired by Soho. Hope you like it.



lyrics:

I wrote a letter
To make you feel better
I'll do whatever it takes

I wrote you a love song
So you can sing along
And if it won your heart over

Everybody wants your lonely heart
No one knows you like I do
Baby put your trust in me and in you

I'm willing to wait
Serve me up on your plate
To be there some day when you're ready

I'm willing to do my part
To mend the hole in your heart
I'll do my part just to love you

I think the best thing about going away is that you realize what you miss and you don't miss. It's like moving into a new apartment. You only keep the things that matter because you know you can't live without them.

Since weijols came I've been thinking of all my best friends, and it's been so good to hear from them even though we're a gazillion miles away doing a gaziliion different things. I really appreciate the friends who've been keeping in touch. It's funny how being apart makes you closer to your best friends.

I think friendship can be measured by how much you want to hug your friends haha. OMG I think I miss you guys badly.

Ok so I think NY is officially off this fall, which is actually a good thing because I really didn't want to rush a vacay to the big apple. But I will be missing it for sure. My god I think I need to get over it by watching some Gossip Girl, which of course is like getting over smoking by watching malboro ads.

Have you heard the song Hot and Cold by Kate Perry? Omg its super funny and so's the video. I was listening to it and I was just thinking. It reminded me of like a conversation I would have with my old self. Well at least if I ever did have a conversation. And a hot girl in a bridal costume standing around while I was having that conversation. Anyways.

Speaking of weird things I've been watching Dexter on dvd. It's about a good serial killer. It's a pretty twisted show. I get pretty uncomfortable watching it actually. One night I was sleeping and had this dream about a murder and all of a sudden I woke up with my mouth open not knowing if I had shouted in my dream or like for real. It's so weird. I never get bad dreams. What is even more weird is why the word weird is spelt "weird" and not "wierd". I always get caught by spell check.

Just another day at work. During lunch I had to run off to attend a conference call for this positive psychology course I'm taking long distance with Harvard. It's like a group discussion component of the class. So I managed to find a wifi spot at one of the outdoor gardens to dial in from skype.

The TA mentioned something about being aware of the things you are grateful for can make you happy. Well I'm not surprised. I constantly remind myself of the many things that I'm grateful for and you know it works. So give it a try. I'm just glad someone said it out loud.

One of the things I am grateful for is the opportunities I've gotten. The last few months have been really amazing. I probably have the most supportive parents in the world and it sure helps.

I just e-mailed one of the professors from the counselling psychology phd program at NYU and he is interested in working with me by helping him collect data from Singapore. I am really excited because the past few months I've been thinking about doing my phd and it's a bloody good reason to go back to the city.

New York what have you done to me.

Today was such a great day! Weiyi and jols came from Montreal and Minnesota to visit me in Toronto and it was so good to see them! I think I almost killed them with my hug haha. It was such an OMG feeling.

It was fun because I met them after work and I took them through the financial district. We had an amazing dinner at Torroni's with some sparkling wine to celebrate the occasion. We took a walk to the harbour where we saw some guy training his jack russell to swim after the ducks haha. I almost died laughing. The terrier had a scarf and a leather jacket made for him.

I am still pretty OMG. I've known weijols for 2 years since we went on the UBC trip to Vancouver and they've been such good friends. No matter where we are (in the world!) I always have such a good time with them.

Growing up I learned the hard way that friends come and go. But I've also learned that the best friendships last no matter where you go or what you do. Sometimes I see my parents with their best longtime friends and I know that I have people who I can count on just the same way. So here's to lifelong friends.

Sometimes when I'm walking down King Street in Toronto I'm secretly praying that when I look down at my shoes and look up again I'll be back in Manhattan.

I just watched another episode of Gossip Girl and it was like a free trip back to fifth avenue. Just seeing the metlife building, the palace hotel and the met reminded me of that crazy week me and Dave spent in NY. I can't tell you how fun it was. And it was special.

I don't think it's withdrawal symptoms. I think it could be possibly far worse. Something far more insane that makes me keep playing the opening song from the pilot episode of GG. You know the whistling one. Yeah.

I don't know what it is. But if you've had a day in the city you'll know what it's like. Like something inside you changes. Either that or your entire wardrobe.

With the markets spelling doom, it's the perfect excuse to not find a job and get my ass to NY to study psychology or fashion. Where else in the world are there enough insane people and fashion types mixed together to justify 4 years of postgraduate studies. You know you love me New York. X O X O.

It's my second week of work in Toronto and it's been great. Today I had to leave the office because I was sent to Bloomberg for a course. So with a map in my hand like a tourist I managed to find my way there. Just walking along the financial district of Toronto was amazing. Some parts of the city remind me of NY and I really miss it.

I haven't had a chance to lunch myself the past 2 weeks so yesterday I braved the lunch crowds and had some Indian food by myself near the stock exchange. Just watching the people walk by made me feel very excited. I am so grateful that things have worked out the way they have.

I can't believe I've been gone for 3 months. Come to think about it the only things I really miss are my friends and family. I wish you guys could see what it's been like being away. It's been refreshing. Like something I've always needed. So if you have the chance to go away for awhile and see another part of the world I'm telling you it's the best decision you can make.

It's been amazing. And I know for sure that these few months have changed me for a lifetime.

A blink of an eye and it's been a week since I've arrived in Toronto. Tomorrow work starts and its the same new thing all over. A thing I find about getting older is that it makes you a little more fearless and assured.

So the job hunt is heating up as well. Graduation is in a year so now its about time when everyone sends in their job applications.

Mom called to say I got my first offer. I felt really satisfied at that point. It's nice to know that my work the last few years has paid off. Whether I find a job or not, I really feel like I have alot less to worry about now because I've done my best already. I would have never made it this far without all my friends and colleagues at the places where I've worked at.

Doing my applications and writing my cover letters, I realized I have really tried my best the couple of years. And just re-reading the things I wrote in my cover letters, I know that my effort has paid off. It's been a good lesson to me that I can do something if I put everything into it. It must be Bap's genes haha.

Despite the rocky job market, I'm feeling really positive about things in general. And you know if things don't work out as planned, whatever. I did my best.

This has been a great few months. Stanford, New York and now Toronto.

The last few days has been great just catching up on rest and taking it easy. Staying with the Boersma's has been so relaxing. Since I arrived here several days ago I've been just vegging out and hanging out with Sih-Ee and Nate. It's been really nice.

So work starts on Tuesday and alot of work to do before my first day. If this were Ian2005 he'd be panicking but the last couple of years has taught me to take it easy and take one thing at a time. The bliss of growing up. Either that or plain ignorance.

The last couple of months has only reinforced the things I love about life. Family, friends and the need to be motivated and challenged in my work. I always feel grateful for the things I have and over the last couple of months I only feel more lucky. I only feel blessed because I have the support of the people I love.

So hello to all my pals in France, USA, Canada, Spain, Mexico and back home! Take care and see you guys soon.

Heya how's everyone been doing? I haven't written in awhile because there's been so much going on the last couple of weeks. The exams are on Thursday and by Sunday I'll be leaving Stanford. I haven't had the chance to take photos on campus but I will and you'll see why it is the most beautiful campus in North America.

Just when I was getting used to the laid-back life I realized there's tons to do. After spending some time here I decided it might be good to do a PhD in Psychology, so been practicing the GRE exams, finding more about schools, meeting professors and students. After my trip to New York I set up a meeting with the Dean of the PhD program at Berkeley so I'm really stoked and I will need to prepare for that.

As usual job applications, travel arrangements to new york, getting ready for my internship in Canada. The summer is officially over people!

It's been great here so I hope I get some time to enjoy, and I'll see you guys soon.

Last Friday we went to the Great America theme park and it was wild. The bunch insisted on doing the 22 storey drop first so I almost died before the real fun began. There were even rollercoasters where you ride standing! Crazy American people.

After being at Stanford for 5 weeks I realize that friendship is a currency that is universal. My closest friends here are Russian, Khazak, Brazilian, Korean and American, and I realise that even though we don't always have the same word for "dumbass", it doesn't really matter.

On Saturday we went for the John Mayer concert at Mountainview. It was so awesome because the weather was so beautiful and the amphitheatre was in the middle of mountains under the stars. With garlic fries in one hand and Pepsi in another, it was the best way to see him live. It was just me, John and 20,000 fans sprawled out on the grass.

I feel so grateful to have come to Stanford. Just to have been able to escape for abit to recharge and regroup has been one of the best things that has happened to me in a long time. I have been enjoying every moment, and it's helped to rediscover the authentic me.

gay san francisco

Heya! How's it going? I guess I haven't written in awhile.

I've been having alot of fun since I arrived in SF. Stanford has been so amazing and I wish I could share it with all of you, but there are no words to describe the experience I've been having.

Life here has been so great. I made a conscious effort to come here to relax, enjoy and make as many friends as possible, and I've done that.

I haven't written much because since I've arrived I've had a real sense of peace and it's just hard to even describe that. I always write when something is on my mind, and I guess the last couple of weeks have really let me relax and feel at ease. I don't even know what to say really. I'm so grateful I had the chance to be here.

It's about 11pm now and I just came back from town. After a great fried chicken dinner I took a cycle out of campus. Stanford is so beautiful in the evenings, and with the Californian breeze and John Mayer for company, it's a joy to be in the outdoors. Had a huge cup of frozen yoghurt and went to borders to read some magazines before heading back.

There are so many things I want to share with you guys about. Like the amazing weather, beautiful campus, funny people, to-die-for food, crazy parties and awesome shopping. I'll write soon.

In the meantime take care, have lots of fun whichever part of the world you are, and cya soon!

stationary



official

Dorm Life



self-explanatory



my desk

Narita



N Dubs



Discrimination



The 100m Toilet Paper Dash



So my Armadillo didn't get through customs



Suggestive Chicken



Crazy Red McIndian Burger



Coke gone wild

So it's one hour to the airport. A few weeks ago the whole idea of leaving was just a random idea, just a really nice thought of being able to escape for abit. I haven't had the time to plan what to do there or what to expect, and I can barely believe I'm actually going.

I'm glad I had a chance to catch up with good friends before leaving. This trip means alot to me because for once I get to relax and enjoy myself.

The last couple of years have been taxing. It's been a mad whirlwind right from the start. But not the next couple of months.

Time to escape for abit. To catch my breath. To leave everything behind. And to find myself in SF. Catch you later.

I have the best family.

If someone asked you "How good does water taste?" What would you say?

Is that a trick question? What do you mean how good does water taste like? Water is water isn't it? It's alright I guess. But what happened if one day we didn't have any water to drink.

That's how family is like.

Over the last few years I've really gotten to appreciate my family. While many people have come and gone, there's always one constant in life.

When David left for las vegas and Mike went to the army I really felt how important each of the Kwoks are. And now that David is back and Mikey is on holiday I feel like we're back in full-swing. 3 is the perfect number.

It's weird that we feel closer after spending some time apart. But life is weird.

Been awhile since I really wrote anything. There's been nothing much happening recently I guess. Compared to the last couple of months, the hols have been so much less dramatic and tiring. It's just rolling along with ease and a lull period like this is usually followed by a huge up or down. I'm just bracing myself.

So I got Stanford and now comes the crappy bit of sending my documents and doing the visa. I am not even sure they can process it in time. About 10 years ago when I first stepped on the campus I was knocked off my socks by how great the campus was. To think I'll be going to study there just makes me want to pee. California here I come.

I'm planning to take Painting and Drawing, Golf and Investment Science classes. School is 3 days a week which only leaves me with 4 days of weekend every week. AW. Can't wait to galavant around SF with nothing but an ipod touch (which I have yet to buy) and a camera.

Just to steal some time by the beach in the sun will be lots of fun. I am so looking forward to a total time-out.

seeya bitches!

-----Original Message-----
From: Summer Session [mailto:summersession@stanford.edu]
Sent: Wed 5/14/2008 1:48 AM
To: Ian KWOK Zhen Ting
Subject: Welcome to Summer Session at Stanford

Dear Ian Kwok,

We are pleased to admit you to Stanford University for Summer Session 2008! We know visiting students enhance campus life during summer quarter and benefit from the Stanford experience. Your enrollment as a Summer Visitor applies only to the 2008 summer quarter and does not imply regular admission to Stanford in the future. In addition, your admission does not contribute toward candidacy for a degree at Stanford.

We hope you will enjoy the stimulating Stanford environment and the challenges offered in our classes. Please contact the Summer Session Office at 650-723-3109 if you have any questions.

Sincerely,
Teresa Nishikawa
Director of Admission and Student Services
--

1. Work hard and play even harder

2. Stop fretting over the career / graduation / oh-my-what-am-I-going-to-do-next nonsense

3. Do alot of travelling

4. Meet up with all my friends regularly

5. Stick to the fitness routine

6. Eat a healthy diet

TGILaborday. Ate like a pig at american club. Pizza and Buffalo Wings. Been eating so much junk over the last few days. Ramen, Thaiexpress etc.

Work is good. I really enjoy it. I just learnt that Jason is starting work on mon at Citi!! Lunch budds to the maxxxx. The funny thing is we worked together at pwc before and now we're at citi. The funnier thing is he almost worked at templeton this summer. WTH abit like acting photocopied resumes and all. Now all I need is 10 more inches of height and join case and we're twins confirm.

Well nothing much as usual. Just work again and celebrated Eric's birthday yesterday. I thought I would be dreading the start of work but actually its been quite good so far.

My department has to handle alot of agreements and fee schedules because the product managers deal with the nitty gritties of each deal. So to be honest it's not easy and it's hard to deal with so many documents especially if you don't know the processes behind them.

I was super discouraged at the start because there's just so many things to handle at one go, and I didn't know how to deal with so much work. But you know after giving my best shot, coming in earlier and leaving later than most of the people on my floor, I feel like I've earned my spot on the team.

I really take pride in my work, and I think I'm doing a pretty good job at being efficient and meticulous now. I really enjoy the work because I know that my work facilitates the deals. I think alot of people would be like FUCK so much paperwork. But you can't really escape that when you work in a big organization.

I think now I just need to keep on keeping on and to build up my confidence and familiarity with the work. There are times I feel like "how the eff am I going to do all this today??" but then somehow it just works.

It feels very different now from when I first started at Citi. I used to just do my job and hope to be able to knock off at 6 sharp, but now I am proud of my work and I really feel like I am part of the team. One way to know that you are enjoying your work is that you feel energized even right after work, just like with my time at Tangs, and that's something I feel with my my work now.

That something that's really important to me because after work is where life begins, and if your work drains you out, then you don't get to enjoy the other things in life. I'm glad things have progressed naturally without forcing, and this makes me more confident about my career choices.

Went to see David Tao in concert last night. That was fun. My parents and their friends went to Uncle Kheng Long's birthday and apparently they hit it off well with David and so they got invited to his concert. The seats were great. Second row behind the David Tao Singapore fanclub. *fan girl scream*. Auntie Ting Ting brought us backstage and we got to see what it's like behind the scenes. It was a fun performance except it was weird seeing all these uncles and aunties who I've known since I was 0 dancing up and down. Uncle Leslie takes the cake with his florescent green Zegna jeans. Talk about putting on your party pants. Go uncle les haha.


In less exciting news I ran out of facewash so I decided to try the new loreal men expert range. I'm normally not inclined to bother with anything but the facewash but this time I got a toner and some anti-oil gel to see if they work. And after 2 days of trying them I have to say the stuff really works. And they're cheap. Visit www.lorealmen.com The stuff is great.

Tomorrow is the first day of work after a 2 week break. Shucks. I haven't had the time to just relax because of the poetry assignment, but I hope I will be able to catch up on rest eventually.

Uncle Norm says I might have to work in Toronto for Nov and Dec which may mean I can't follow Jase they all to the rockies shucks. See how it goes. It will be fun going when it's snowing, but I guess we'll have to see how templeton wants to fix the dates around. I am just super grateful to be going to Canada at this point. Everyone will be away and this will be my exchange.

The Warrior

My name is Warrior Kwok,
And I belong to School Bus B.
I come from the land of Holland Road,
And I bring great news with me.

Our people have chosen me to lead,
And we’ve planned some nasty things.
So listen carefully to my words
Before the recess bell rings.

My ancestors have taught me well,
I am training in the art of hiding,
I can evade my fate of detention or canning
That my form teacher is now deciding.

Her leader is fierce, he is formidable,
And he goes by the name of Lee.
He canes offenders by their bums
For all in school to see.

What warrior with any self-respect
Would do this dirty deed?
So I ask for your loyalty to the end.
With honor I will lead.

Ian Kwok

Been writing poetry like mad today. It's not easy trying to force 12 poems in one day but I have to submit them soon and they make up 50% of my grade. Alot of them are retarded or funny or wierd but none overly emo. Emo is abit 2006, and our prof hates the emos. I did this cock one based on the stories the prof told us about him and his wife arguing all the time. Here goes:


Wanton Mee

Our love,
Like a soggy wanton mee,
Maybe sitting out too long,
But it tastes alright to me.

Our love,
Like a Tiger Beer gone flat,
Maybe should have drank it earlier,
But where’s the fun in that?

Our love,
Like a chendol that has melted,
Maybe doesn’t look so nice.
But that’s the way nature intended.

Our love,
Like jackfruit overdue,
Maybe doesn’t smell too good,
But I don’t care if I’ve got you.

Just got back from supper. Haven't written anything much in awhile because there hasn't been much to write about. No work for 2 weeks while exams are on. No internship matters to be sorted out. No more ice cream shop to worry about since mom and bap are back. Just a little peace and alot of headache from exams.

Just want to thank all my friends for making my birthday special. You know this term has probably been the most testing term for me so I am very grateful for every single one of you. I always think I live a privileged life and its only because I got my family and every one of my friends. I think doing well in school or work probably doesn't mean anything if you haven't got the people you love around you and I definitely can't ask for anything more. Thanks Dave and Mike for your wishes and Mom and Bap for the headphones!

For those of you who've taken this crazy 3 year journey with me in school I thank you for your friendship. We see each other day in day out in the libs or along the corridor until xians2000 but you have no idea how much I appreciate your friendship. You know when we meet up and you tell me the exciting things you're doing over summer or the places you're going for exchange I get really excited. It makes me happy to know all of us are going places. So thanks for being onboard this rollercoaster we've been riding together.

I really love birthdays because its the best excuse to see all your friends (even in the middle of exams!) and that's way better than any present.

So thanks everyone. Good luck for exams! and pizza party / movie marathon after our papers confirm!

1.23am. 7 more minutes to bed.

Yesterday was a long day. Oh, which basically means it was a normal day. In the morning had my excel presentation for CAT class. Was fucking awesome. I felt like on fire when I presented. The prof was impressed and alot of the other groups were wowed. We even did a silly brochure. Was so worried about this for a long time. PWNAGE bitches.

Had dinner with jasereims. Fun stuff. We went to crystal jade.

Then was at the shop at 2am. Mom and Bap are away so I have to manage the shop.
The fridge alarm went off so had to drive down at midnight to shop to make sure the fridge wasn't open. One of the girls put too much detergent to wash the floor and so there I was remopping the floor at 2am at serene centre by myself. Talked to Karl about running the business. He's also thinking of doing his family business. We decided we're going to conquer China one day.

Karl is very smart (and also like a 5 year old kid haha) and I think of how much the banks are paying us and that's really not what we're worth. You know even running a small ass business pays better than almost anything. Makes me wonder if its worth working for someone. To be honest its not. It's just nice to have a glamorous title and tell people you're from blah blah, but nothing beats pwning the world yourself.

Some days I feel like I have no time to relax at all. Between citi school and the shop I feel like a ping pong ball being batted back and forth. Thank god I have the cars.

In school now everyone has an internship. It's really amazing. Some people have gotten really good places and I'm glad for them. You know once you get your first job, it doesn't matter if you were a loser, or a winner, or the president, or the substitute, or a somebody, or a nobody. Everything goes inside the rubbish bin and is refreshed as either Chia Boon Tat Accounting or something like Goldman Sachs Sales and Trading.

Over the last few months I've been working like mad and I can't wait for the hols to come. I think its paid off alot. And now I feel like I will be able relax alot more when the time comes. I know alot of friends who've worked their asses off. For a GPA, for a job, for an internship, for a dream, and for the future. So congrats you stubborn mofos. Yes you. You crazy idiots who've been working hard in your own ways. For all of you who never took the easy way out. I totally understand how it feels like. And no matter what the outcome, doesn't it feel fucking good to know you did everything you can?

Yay its good friday which means its a long weekend!!

Man SO need to sleep. I actually enjoy the work and school routine because it gives me the best of both worlds but one thing I don't have is enough sleep.

It's my 3rd week with my department and getting along well with the team. We mainly handle financial institutions so we have to be very on the ball about documentation, agreements etc. Val is also at citi so we met for lunch the other day and it was nice to catch up. Also bumped into Sharon Law from my old dept. Isn't the name Sharon Law the coolest? Did you know staff get 21 days of leave? wth.

Met Evelyn for dinner as well. Evelyn is at Estee Lauder now. She's really happy there so that's great. She is definitely the estee type and if she stays she'll be very good at her work. Alot of people getting interviews and internships the last week or so. Congrats ambrose, eric, chloe and weims! It's really exciting. Maybe I should be in HR and just be excited for people all the time haha.

For 3 years we've been doing projects, attending internship talks, doing exams and living in the library. And now we finally have something to show for it. How exciting really. We're almost there.

I was looking at Eric's excel sheet of internship applications and I was like omgg that's damn fierce. But hey this is the fucking time to be fiercer than ever. The fiercest of the fierce. Bap mentioned your first job sets you on a trajectory and I think he's right.

So if you've been working hard, been fighting for something you've wanted. Just keep on keeping on. And kick some ass.

Yikes been quite a while since I last wrote anything. Been so busy. Been working at citi for 2 weeks now and trying to juggle with school. Been quite mad but with proper time management it hasn't been so bad. Times like these you really appreciate the friends that always make an effort to meet up or try to keep in touch. You also appreciate just sitting around and doing nothing. What a luxury.

I can't remember having more than an hour to relax the last 2 weeks. Even on the bus I'm writing in my notebook for my to-do list or catching up with friends on the phone or catching up with sleep. I feel tired talking just talking about it.

Even so life is good. I honestly feel good about going to work and acting as though I'm one of the people in suits and with their blackberrys clipped to their belts. At lunch time I knock off and watch the tons of people from citi head back to the office while I'm rolling up my sleeves and taking off my tie for school. It's like I get to play 2 parts. It feels nice to have the best of both worlds.

O&M got back to me to confirm my internship this summer. I couldn't say no. So just with one e-mail it has been decided that I'm not going to Africa after all. Oh well to be honest right now all I need is abit of sleep. Ok maybe alot. Templeton also got back to me to give me the green light for the internship. So I guess I've just planned my whole year in a matter of 2 weeks. I can't wait because working full-time will be much more manageable than juggling school and work at the same time. Wish I had all the time to try everything in the world.

Everyone's finally getting serious about summer internships now. Tons of people interviewing at tons of different places. I am truly excited for every one of them because it's going to play a big part in where they end up working. I think I've worked quite hard in school and it's nice to know that I finally don't have to worry so much anymore. I've paid my dues this time.

My family is setting up a new business soon. Related to the Island concept so watch for it. I was just telling Dave how we should run the business when we're done with school. Wish he was around because I can help my dad with alot of the strategy and business development ideas but Dave would know alot more about operations and ground work. I somehow feel that no matter where I work at I'll probably leave it to go back to Island someday. Just a matter of when really.

Couldn't sleep last night thinking about my cat project. Woke up like a zombie and headed down to school with Adel to meet some IT guru friend of hers who pointed us in a good direction. Thank god for that because we got inspired and we went back to my place to work like mad. Did tons alot today and ruined my eyesight tons alot also. Thank god adel is in my group otherwise I would have died 10 years ago.

Been quite stressed lately. Del says I get stressed and it's true. It's like a double edged sword. On one hand it makes you do 110% and on the other hand you get eyebags so big you don't need a laptop case.

Sometimes it's when you're stressed then you know who your real friends are. Lately I've been glad I can count on some of my friends to help me out where I need help. And I believe it's God's blessing. And I can't believe I just said that.

Been squinting all week. My eyes are so dry it feels like there's always sand in them. I think my eyes need eyemo on a drip. I told del to pray for me cuz I am so exhausted. Time for bed.

Finally confirmed my internship. Funds and securities services with Citi. Regional sales team. The only catch is that it starts on er monday. Like this coming monday. 3 mornings a week on top of 6 modules. Ok.

I honestly did not did not want to work during the term but I didn't have much of a choice.

Whatever it is I feel glad to back because I made alot of friends there the last time and it's all familiar. When I went for the interview on Tues it really felt good to see everyone again and they were bugging me for ice cream as usual. I will bring them something next week.

The office of admissions called me today. They checked my resume and they want me to give a talk at the SMU open house about internships. It's called "SMU Super Intern". HAHA WTH. Cheesefactor2008. Someone needs to be shot. I don't really have the time to prepare but I think it's important that the kiddos coming for our open house need to know that our name is pretty out there when it comes to employment.

Damn I'm tired. Shit I can't wait for the hols so I don't have to think about anything other than just one thing. During the interview Tracy was like "Gee your schedule looks more packed than a working person." You bet Tracy.

I realised I have 10 different papers to do by the end of the term. Shit.

Went for the Citi interview this morning. I think Tracy was pleased I'm familiar with Citi so she was already asking when I could start work. She needs help asap so I might have to work mon, tues and fri mornings during school term and continue during the hols. OMG what am I doing seriously. But it's not like I can say no. Its regional sales for securities and fund services so it's front end which is good. HR called me back at 9pm to confirm which days I'm available, but omg now I'm wondering if I can take such a heavy load. I hope they don't confirm anything until next week. Help.

JPM hasn't gotten back to me. Tim says I'm probably 2nd in line and they're waiting for the first person to decline or accept. DECLINE DAMMIT YOU DECIDING -BETWEEN-JPM-OR-GOLDMAN-SACHS-IDIOT.

DIOT.

Yay, one free hour before class starts. Did some work last night till 2am. Luckily Kelvin was online to help me out. Was so fucking frustrated and annoyed. Fucking worst class ever.

I was so annoyed I drove to the petrol kiosk at 2.30am to buy noodles. Then I got back and realized the stove is not working. What the hell.

So I woke up late this morning. Thank God mom sent me to school so I could attend fucking-worst-class-ever. I got a call during class and was wondering what weird number it was. Luckily I took the call outside. Turns out Citi remembered my request and I got an interview with securities and fund services for next tues. Thanks Jing Jing.

So fucking-worst-class-ever wasn't the fucking worst class ever. Baps been talking about recession and how jobs are going to be cut. Seriously damn scary. Its a reality now. For the first time in years people are talking about difficulties in getting jobs. Sink or swim people. Sink or swim.

Time for bed. Almost. I just remember I was loading an episode of Project Runway.

JPM hasn't gotten back. I believe they must have picked someone already. I did my interview last Tuesday and still no reply. The first time I did my interview on Wed and I knew by Monday. Chances are I think the fact that I didn't have a "bachelors of business" makes this a real longshot. They are probably contacting Mr Business or Mr Accounting now and not informing the rest so that if Mr Business has another offer already they can call Mr Social Science. In my mind the interview keeps on replaying and picking on my mistakes and I am prepared for the worst.

In better news I have decided to plan something different for my summer. I've decided to go to South Africa and take the course to be a certified Safari ranger. Either 1 month or 3 months. See how it goes. Not getting JPM will suck but maybe being chased by lions will help me get over my loss and put things in perspective. This is something I've always always wanted to do and I think it will be life changing to say the least.

Just thinking about the trip the last few days has got me thinking of how I've always wanted to be a vet. I can't turn back time, but I should think of things that are related to the animal business maybe. Like Zoo management, wildlife conservation. Or even helping people, doing humanitarian work. That's been a part of me that I've suppressed for so long.

Sometimes I feel like I'm 4 different people in one person. Not in terms of personality but maybe interests. It's just that the world is so big and there are so many things to do. One thing I am grateful for is how my parents have been supportive of everything I do.

I think the worst thing to have in life is no passion and no dedication. Worst thing ever. If you're not willing to go all out for something, or you're not willing to put in the effort or have the balls to take the risks, then there's no point in living really. Who actually knows what they want to do in life? No one. But you just got to try and keep trying and searching. You just got to give 101%.

I know alot of people who shortchange themselves because they don't put effort into the things they do. And it's really sad. I find it almost annoying. It's almost like being with them saps your enthusiasm about life. But for every 10 people who are like the cattle you find 1 very inspiring person. Someone different. Who stands out because they have a passion, or because they are fighting for something. And that's rare.

Life is too damn short. Ideally we'd have 14-day weeks, half of which would be a weekend. But because we don't live in an ideal world where we have all the time in the world, we have to live it to the best. Which is a really good excuse to be a hedonist. A hedonist is someone who enjoys the pleasures in life. Guilty as charged.

Sometimes while I'm surfing I really enjoy looking at extravagant luxury websites. Cars, boats, spas, villas, travel, hotels and dining. It's fun to sit in front of the computer and live vicariously through my macbook. It's the same reason why you walk into an expensive shop even though you know you can't afford anything. It's just fun.

The funny thing is I probably know more about Las Vegas than David does. Sometimes I look at the hotels or restaurants you can find on the strip, and I see the shows they play at the Casinos. It feels like traveling for free.

I really love the idea of excess. The free flow wine and meals. The way the phantom coupe looks like a boat. The fine dining they have onboard the Silversea cruise liners. Can anyone say no to a 131 day long extended world cruise on a luxury boat?

But you know really, I just love the idea of excess. But just the idea only. After all it is fun to imagine and aspire, but I don't really need to live in an Italian villa to be happy. It's abit of a paradox isn't it? Yes I suppose. But if we aim for something like luxury and expect it then we may be disappointed. However there is no disappointment if we're really just happy with whatever we've got. It's still ok to aspire.

http://www.ulovane.co.za/courseinformation2.asp

That being said I stumbled upon this website. For 3 months you undergo training in South Africa to become a qualified Safari Ranger. No shit. 4X4 driving lessons, advanced rifle handling and a course on dangerous animals. How fucking awesome is that? I've always wanted to go to south africa and live in the wilderness. Fucking awesome. I think I would be such a happy person living that kind of life. I would give up my phantom anytime for a life in a jeep in the Serengeti. The truth is I've always been a nature type of person and this would be the epitome of living out my wildest dreams. Even more than being an artist or a vet or a banker. But I can imagine the amount of sacrifice it takes to give everything up to chase something as wild as that. How fucking awesome though.

Just finished my interview. Still in my shirt and pants and stuck at some MOS burger till my 7pm class starts. The interview went well but I've decided not to think about it anymore and just assume I didn't get it. By next week I will probably know if I got it, but I don't want to get my hopes up.

All I know is that it's been an honor to be considered for a position with JPM. I was sitting at the reception area waiting for Sumit, when I heard a familiar voice. Turns out it was Jensen. He was there for his first interview with treasury services I think. Different department. Good luck Jensen I hope we're lunch buddies for both our sakes.

This is one of the most exciting times of our lives. It's the time when we get out of school and hit the workplace. Of course school is fun and relaxed but getting a good job determines how the next phase of our lives work out. It determines how we're going to live, and ultimately how our family lives.

I am excited. Not just specifically about JPM but about life. I've worked very hard these few months and just to see the effect of my effort is something really exciting. I'm fed up of just grades and marks. They don't mean anything by themselves. Life is so much more than just a report card.

You know in life we're used to celebrating successes, but I think if we learnt how to appreciate the process and the lessons we learn from failure, we'd be alot more content about our lives. So internship or not, I hope I've learnt something along the way and just keep on keepin' on.

Tomorrow I'm going back to the JPM office for my 2nd and final round of interview. I am scared like shit but fairly confident at the same time. After a online IQ test and a interview at their office I'm back again.

Been reading finance newspapers like nobodies business. Herald Tribune, Wall Street Journal and FT oh my. Now I have an opinion about everything finance related. Just please don't ask me about derivatives because I know shit about derivatives.

I am excited and scared. After coming out of the last interview I've learnt it's important to keep your cool and be positive even if you don't know what the $%#* your interviewer is asking, and even if he is a smartass. And maybe especially if he is a smartass.

It's like meeting for an arranged wedding. If the person likes your face you're set otherwise you have to find another bride to marry.

I feel like I die abit inside when I know
But what can I do
The problem was the feelings never changed
Even till now
Tell me I'm not the only one
Tell me it isn't my imagination
Tell me it's not going to be easy to get over this
I don't want a replacement just so it makes it easier
I just want to remember it right
So maybe I have no choice to just sit and watch
And just die a little everytime

Didn't do much today. Had one class and one reunion dinner and one supper. Tomorrow is the ultimate do nothing day. Absolutely do nothing. Except reunion dinner no. 3 which requires absolutely no effort at all.

http://www.rolls-roycemotorcars.com/

Yesterday was tinkering around with changing the external paint and interiors of the Phantom coupe (convertible). Click on the link above and tell me it's not love at first site.

UBC sent me the request to send my school transcripts over and now I'm not sure I would actually transfer if I got in. Anyways not much point speculating like the last round. Let's focus on the things at hand.

Like sleep. Lots and lots of sleep. Thank God it's cny because a break could have never come in a more timely fashion.

It's 6.25am and I haven't slept yet. Just got out of bed after tossing and turning for hours. My body clock has officially gone nuts.

There's about 5 million thoughts going through my head, Just racing in my mind like the rwd and fwd buttons gone wrong. Maybe that's what I get for tiring myself out the last few weeks.

So now it's just me and a glass of Calpis soda trying to calm down. I think it's working.

I'm glad it's the new year holidays. Because I'm running on low batteries. Output is still 120% but the juice is dying and the head is aching.

You put 2 motivated, serious adults (1 bald guy and 1 girl) together and you get something like me. Dave is like mom. Mike is like Bap. Except I got everything, the good the bad and the ugly.

That still doesn't fully explain how I can't get to sleep but I suppose it explains how I got to this point. Ha yeah blame it on the parents.

I think despite the tirednesstheworktheheadeggs and the sheer inability to see the whiteboard in school anymore, I am happy. If only I just had abit of time to stand back, appreciate my life and say "Oh good job" then maybe it would be perfect, but I think I'm just so in the swing of things I just can't yet.

It's just with life there's so manythousandmillionsbillionstrillions of excitingcoolsuperfunky things to do if you go and do them. Unfortunately one day is limited by 24 hours with 60 minutes and 60 seconds. If there's one thing I don't understand it's how slack some people are. Their loss.

I imagine one day in the future I might look back and think of this headache day and think "You stupid boy doing so much and almost killing yourself. But thank god you were a stupid boy because it got you somewhere and I'm now standing where that somewhere is. And now I never have to be a stupid boy with a headache for the rest of my life because of you."

Regret. Worst word in the universe. The whole fucking universe. My only real regret in life is not learning how to play soccer properly in primary school. Regret is shit because the whole point about it is you can't change, which is how screwed up. So fuck regret.

I should write more at 7am because it seems the rubbish comes out more straight forwardly. And I just discovered mom didn't wash my cup properly. Except for that bit of breaking news I feel alot better. Ok time for bed.

Been so tired the last 2 days that whenever I read I feel like puking. Well not only when I'm reading. At dinner last night I felt like I had the biggest headache ever. Even in the bus I feel sea sick. I seriously need a break. Been so damn tired seriously. I think I'm dying.

Been working extra hard this term. Extra extra. Just so many things to do seriously.But I can't help it. There are really alot of important things to sort out this term. Tim got HSBC. Congrats! Ok at least that's one confirmed. It's very amazing how alot of my schoolmates are getting interviews with the top names. It's important because SMU is new nd we got to reach for the big banks to get us recognized.

check this out:
http://www.ralphlaurenhome.com/

Simply one of the best collections of furniture ever. I've already decided how my house is going to look like. Just select the "Modern Chairman" range and you'll get a glimpse haha. Which reminds me why I need to get a good job badly. Uncle Lung works at Citi and he recently just asked his car shop to spray paint his nokia to match his ferrari. Ok.

Oh today I got the reply from JPM. I could see it already. "Dear Ian thank you for your interest in Global Credit Risk Management but unfortunately we cannot offer you a position at this time. We wish you the best in your endeavours and hope you will continue to consider us in future." See I can write an excellent rejection letter. I could totally see how the rejection letter looked like the second I stepped out of the office, and all my smses coming out of my hp for the next 5 mins started with the word "FUCK do you know..."

I would have been totally expecting it, except this time it went "Dear Ian, Congratulations you have made it to the 2nd round of interviews..." WTF?!? I was thinking. The interviewer totally skewered me with his questions and he let me in. WTH man what a sick joke. You bitch you haha. Ok but thanks for letting me in.

Part of me says, "OMG DON'T EVEN LOOK FORWARD TO THIS, YOU'LL JUST BE DISAPPOINTED", but you know that's fucking life. You can't have that failure attitude. You have to look forward to something, to work 110% for it, to be passionate, to be excited about it, to dream it and don't second guess yourself. Otherwise you're no different from anyone else.

So in short next Tues I have a date with destiny, and probably the modern chairman collection of ralph lauren home some day.

1. who is the chairman of the Fed?
ben bernanke
2. when was the last fed rate change?
last week
3. how much was the change?
-0.75%
4. when is the next meeting?
sorry not sure
5. how will the drop in interest rates affect the us economy?
it will probably take 3-6 months for the effects of increased liquidity to benefit the economy, however this is going to cause a long-term problem of inflation.
6. Is it the Fed's role to control inflation?
Probably not but it must be considered when making monetary policy. Alot of people are not happy with ben bernanke because of this.
7. what is the difference between futures and forward contracts?
Sorry I can't rmbr at the top of my head
8. what is the difference between operational lease and financial lease?
Sorry not sure
9. what information doesn't the balance sheet have?
Hmm not sure.
10. Other finance question I can't rmbr.
Sorry I'm not sure about that.

5/10. Pass. Job offer? Probably fail. But I think for a Social Science student I did quite ok. FUCK. I'll be back bitches. Then you can take the financial ratios and shove them up your doody.

Sometimes I feel like I'm spread as thin as jam. Like a tablecloth 1 inch too small for the table.

Sometimes I have tons of things to do and no idea what to start with. They should have made 48 hour days.

It's good and not good. Jack of all trades and master of some. That pretty much sums it up. Eggs in a few baskets. Sometimes I can't remember how many eggs I have.

But maybe it's better to be really good at one one thing. It's less tiring for sure. Less of a burden really. You don't have to pick or think. Just shut up and do. Ignorance is bliss.

Or maybe I just need some water and a good rest tonight.

After poetry class today I wrote 7 poems for my illustrations. It's part of my own project I'm doing. Another to-do to add.

I've stopped playing nintendo simply because I need to cancel out some of the those to-dos.

Dammit why so many to-dos. Always never enough time for to-dos but always just nice for family and friends. Why dammit. I told you I need 48. God just give me one day more a week. One between Sunday and Monday. Call it Smonday.

I'm taking Poetry classes. No seriously. I signed up for Creative Writing except it turns out that its really a poetry writing class. So for 14 weeks I have poetry lessons with Chloe under the bohemianest of all professors, Robert Yeo. Because we used to read so much poetry when we stayed in England. It's not really much of a stretch. But classes are really interesting because its so far out and our prof is this 60 year old guy who looks like he survived the flower power era.

Yesterday played poker with cherylpovaweimseeranghankanabs. Eh shit sounds like a bad word. Was fun. Only because buy in was $10 and I won $7.80 which means it paid for my cab back from Serangs. Having poker again next Fri but cherylpova is leaving soon so that's kind of sad. Next term I think NO ONE I know will be around and everyone is going on exchange so thank god I'm working.

Played Lan with weijoldzichael. I have to rearrange that next time. Was really fun. It's essential to kill someone every now and then to destress.

Had to deal with alot of rude people this week. If it's one thing I don't take it's rude people. One of our modules are quite heavy, so the prof was having a discussion about it in class with us. The teaching assistant told us if we couldn't handle a level 200 mod we should take a level 100 module. I was pissed off. And basically don't fuck with a kwok. So I just gave it to him on the spot in front of the whole class. Least to say Ivy Lau was abit stunned but I think she knew JJ was being a dick. Tartaaaaar anyone? There goes my A.

OMG HELP. Tired like shites and tmrw is 2 lessons and 1 exam all in one row. Shacksness to the maxness.

Weims msged me to ask what time he should have his RBS interview haha. The funny thing was that I was thinking exactly the same thing when I got my interview e-mail. It's important I think. I chose 4pm because the bank routine is the same. 9am-11am emails and meetings. 11-12pm rushing work for lunch. 2-4pm sleepy. 4-6pm awake but getting ready to go home. 6-7pm last minute rushing work. So 4pm is officially the best time for an interview because no one's in a rush. Tim got HSBC and lehman interviews. Drinks on him if he gets it. Tis the season to be interviewing. It's good la I mean if you're in the business school you just got to go all out especially now with all the deadlines looming.

This weekend got to go to kino to find out more about credit risk. That's what I applied for so I'm supposed to sound like I know everything about it. Luckily credit risk isn't so technical so I hope the interview won't be so competency based.

In about 2 months time it will be just fucking too late to apply anywhere for summer so everyone is feeling the heat. Time to wake up and smell the coffee.

Just Week 2 and feeling damn tired omg. Have my Harvard finance exam on Wed so I'm getting a nose bleed just studying my ass off for it.

Met Dz and Wy for golf on Sun. Shit I rmbr why I like golf. This time we're going to do it more regularly. 3 of us complaining about internships and the banks. Like bloody uncles seriously. Wy is a little worried about getting a job. Who isn't. Especially with the banks all taking big hits from subprime and the titanic of the US, the only thing for sure is that it's going to be hard to get a good job. Don't even talk about the IBs and the M&As, it's going to be tough just getting any job. But whatever seriously, the only thing we can do is work our ass off and try our best. I don't think wy needs to worry though.

Finally got confirmation of my JPMorgan interview. You know how you don't want to look forward to these things even though you are excited like shit. I am trying not to think about it because I don't want to give myself to much pressure. This is probably one of the most serious things I've had to go for though.

It feels like Week 14 seriously. Got an exam to study for, the usual school work to do, classes to attend, internship applications, school applications and what not. Wah lau.

Watched another episode of Project Runway. I could watch it the whole day if there were that many episodes to watch.

I have an affinity with design and art, so fashion is just one of the million ways in which they can be expressed. Watching the designers work, I totally understand how they feel. Working for deadlines. Making sure your work is commercial but still representative of your style. Working with the materials you've got. Keeping at it when you're out of inspiration.

When I see a piece of clothing, I immediately mentally cut it into the separate pattern pieces in my head. It automatically fits into a collection of other related clothes. When I see a shirt, I can automatically visualize the rest of the outfit that go with it and the ones that don't. It then passes through millions of mental swatches of colors and patterns. It also runs through an imaginary scrapbook of magazine pictures and images of people. That's how clothes process in my head. Sometimes I catch myself running my fingers over random racks of clothes just to sense how they feel like. It's a sensory explosion. This happens superquick in my head, so walking into a store I feel like a bee, with the colors and textures all mapped out from hexagonal eyes.

The last couple of weeks I've churned out 18 paintings for this major project I'm undertaking. I've never painted so much in such a short space of time. It's taught me how to squeeze every ounce of creativity even if I'm out of ideas. Be fierce. That's my motto.

Some people are born to sing, to play sports, to be an academic, to lead or to get rich. I just want to do some art.

Watched another episode of Project Runway. I could watch it the whole day if there were that many episodes to watch.

I have an affinity with design and art, so fashion is just one of the million ways in which they can be expressed. Watching the designers work, I totally understand how they feel. Working for deadlines. Making sure your work is commercial but still representative of your style. Working with the materials you've got. Keeping at it when you're out of inspiration.

When I see a piece of clothing, I immediately mentally cut it into the separate pattern pieces in my head. It automatically fits into a collection of other related clothes. When I see a shirt, I can automatically visualize the pants that go with it and the ones that don't. It then passes through millions of mental swatches of colors and patterns. That's how clothes process in my head.

The last couple of weeks I've churned out 18 paintings for this major project I'm undertaking. I've never painted so much in such a short space of time. It's taught me how to squeeze every ounce of creativity even if I'm out of ideas. Be fierce. That's my motto.

Some people are born to sing, to play sports, to be an academic, to lead or to get rich. I just want to do some art.

What if you were to stand in front of God. What if you were to tell him of how you discriminated against people in his name. What if he told you that was not his intention, that his words became twisted by people. What if he had told you that you were wrong to be so hateful and ignorant. That he made everyone special. Even the handicapped, the sick, the mentally ill. Their imperfections are not "natural" by our standards. But what is natural? Are they now sinners too? None of us were a mistake. It was all his plan. He would then ask you why were you such a hateful person. He would ask you why you used religion to divide instead of include. He would ask you who gave you the power to decide who are saints and who are sinners. What would you tell him then? But luckily your one on one with God is not due yet. Think before you speak.

The first week of school has been great. Work sucks but not if you have your friends close by.

Today I had to go to school early to send in a form to do an extra module. Bumped into Gabe at the office. After that I dropped by delifrance for loser lunch by myself because I only had 15 minutes before class. So I decided to whip out my laptop for a lunchtime companion.

So I checked my email and there was a new one. 4 months ago I did an application to JPMorgan to try my luck. And apparently I got lucky with an interview with the bank.

OMG was my first thought. And OMFG was my second. I wanted to scream. And jump. And throw my fried fish spaghetti bolognese into the air.The odds of actually getting in after the interview is an entirely different matter, but whatever, and I'm just glad I got the interview. If anything, I'd be content to go and tell the interviewer I've given everything I've got to get to this point.

School is for 2 things. 1) to have tons of fun 2) to get ready to kick ass in the real world. And I don't see why you can't have both.