Almost There
I'm stuck in the libs now waiting for ky to be done with his finance exam. I just finished my democracy exam, and 2 others earlier this week. I AM DEAD TIRED. It's been mentally and physically (10am to 10pm everyday in school) tiring.
But I took the bus to school today, and as I passed through Orchard, the decorations reminded me christmas was coming. And that is something I really look forward to every year. I don't know why. Last year, I didn't really look forward to christmas. And I couldn't find a reason why.
But this year is different. I'm looking forward to christmas this time. Thinking back to the same time last year, I guess it was my first term in school and I guess I was still abit unsettled. This year though, its alot different. I know where I'm headed this time, and I've found my solid ground.
I can't wait for the exams to end on Saturday. I'll be heading off to Yokohama with my family and we're supposed to be going to a hot spring spa and a ski resort. And then comes my internship at the ad agency. Finally, then comes the best time of all. Christmas. I think its the time when you get to meet up with all of your best friends and remind them that they mean alot to you. And for me that's very important. I've already booked my pals for xmas haha. It's the time of the year when it's ok to be abit more mushy and sweetish to all the coolish friends you have.
David is leaving for Las Vegas or Switzerland next year, so this may be the last time we take a vacation together or celebrate christmas together as a family in a long while. I will be very sad when we all split up. But I know we need to head separate ways to make it big, and I know we'll definately come back together as a family. The question is when. I am looking forward to the day we come back together as successful people in our work and life, and we have the time and resources to enjoy life as a family.
So yeah, xmas is coming. Present shopping time! I know I should have saved up. Shit. For now, focus on my last test on Sat. Almost there! Xmas here I come.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Every Step
I sometimes wonder if you are watching over us. Maybe checking to see if your parents or your brother and sister are doing ok. I haven't seen them since I heard the news. And part of me feels afraid to. Because I am afraid I won't know how to make their pain go away. I wonder where God is.
Your family has done so much for us. I feel so upset when I think that this could happen to you and your family. I remember the Gocheck apartment days like they were yesterday and I always think of you when I see the ACS i kids on the track everytime I take the bus to school. I know you used to look up to me. And it hurts when I think I've lost someone who I care about like a brother, and who I've seen grow up.
The pain is taking alot longer to heal than I thought. And I still feel I could cry out in the middle of the day when I think of you. But I feel more upset when I think your family must miss you more than anyone would know. Watch over them. This is a time when they will be most fragile.
I promise I will see your family this week. I know it will mean alot to your mom. It's funny. My mom was talking to your mom the other day and she dreamt I was paid a visit to the family. Your family has taken care of us through the years and I will repay your kindness. Your family has been so good to me. You won't have to worry for them because I will help to look out for them always. But watch out for us from above as we take our own steps to heal the pain. Every step.
I sometimes wonder if you are watching over us. Maybe checking to see if your parents or your brother and sister are doing ok. I haven't seen them since I heard the news. And part of me feels afraid to. Because I am afraid I won't know how to make their pain go away. I wonder where God is.
Your family has done so much for us. I feel so upset when I think that this could happen to you and your family. I remember the Gocheck apartment days like they were yesterday and I always think of you when I see the ACS i kids on the track everytime I take the bus to school. I know you used to look up to me. And it hurts when I think I've lost someone who I care about like a brother, and who I've seen grow up.
The pain is taking alot longer to heal than I thought. And I still feel I could cry out in the middle of the day when I think of you. But I feel more upset when I think your family must miss you more than anyone would know. Watch over them. This is a time when they will be most fragile.
I promise I will see your family this week. I know it will mean alot to your mom. It's funny. My mom was talking to your mom the other day and she dreamt I was paid a visit to the family. Your family has taken care of us through the years and I will repay your kindness. Your family has been so good to me. You won't have to worry for them because I will help to look out for them always. But watch out for us from above as we take our own steps to heal the pain. Every step.
Friday, November 24, 2006
No Matter What
I talked to SQ today. She had a big argument with a very close friend. Her friend was really pissed off and decided to end their friendship over a stupid misunderstanding, and was too proud to admit that they should just work things out. I've seen this before, and it sounds too familiar.
I've also tried working things out when things have gone wrong with friends. Sometimes life has a way of screwing up in ways we can't control, and this is ok. What I did was I tried my best to talk after the misunderstanding and work things out. I think it's best to immediately admit that it was really no one's fault. You see everyone has their pride. And you must understand that friends have their pride too.
I tried talking and making sure my pal knew I wasn't upset over the issue and we could talk things through, but it wasn't any use. I tried to arrange meet-ups but all I got was a cold shoulder. My friend was rude and even arrogant, but I knew I could sacrifice face for friendship. I have never dealt with a person who could treat a friend so coldly like this. I tried everything. Lowered myself where I have never done before, because I thought this friendship was important to me than my pride.
Days became weeks. I tried everything, but there was no response. To my friend, pride was more important than anything else, including this friendship. In fact I hit a rough patch when my friend recently passed away. And my friend wasn't there to help me through this when I needed a helping hand the most.
After lowering myself where I thought I wouldn't, and after dealing with my friends death. I think I then realised who my real friends are. I tried my best to save the friendship, but pride had taken over my friend, and there is nothing one can do but to do your best. This was one of my lowest periods, and what I needed was the company of my friend. But to this person, there were more important things than friendship.
I told SQ that you have to try everything you can to save a friendship even if it's not your fault. People are human. But if despite your best efforts things don't work out the way they should, then we all have to move on and let go. Life is complicated enough. There reaches a point where one has tried his best. And that's all that a person can do.
It's always sad to lose a friend. But it's never sad to lose a friend who doesn't appreciate a friendship. Talk is cheap I told SQ. If friends really appreciate you, they won't end a friendship over a misunderstanding, which her friend was doing. Appreciating friendship is not just only in the heart, it's about showing that you can take action too. Friends who appreciate you will talk things out with you even if they are angry. But pride can sometimes change people, and I've seen this myself. You know the phrase "It takes 2 hands to clap". That's all it takes.
I was talking to Al about how life has changed alot. And we both agree. I think as life gets more complicated and more demanding, you begin to realise who are the friends who always provide the most simplest and meaningful friendships. And I am grateful for them.
Alot has changed. I think lately I am no longer the same Ian. In the last term of school and over the last few weeks, I've grown up alot. And my attitude towards life is even more positive than ever. I'm glad for my closest friends. They've helped me through some hard times. And I am much grateful every day for each of them. Some friends drop out along the way, but there will always be the few who will stand beside you no matter what. I hope SQ will be able to work things out with her friend because every friendship is important.
My best pals are very much like me. Family, friends and relationships all carry equal weight. We don't sit on our lazy asses by making sure we do our best in everything we do. And we cherish our lives and our future. These are all very important things to me. And having friends who see life the way you do means alot to me. It means they understand you when you say you have a goal in life. It means they understand when you say you treasure their friendships. It means they understand every decision you make. And this is comforting knowing that they'll be behind me. No matter what.
I talked to SQ today. She had a big argument with a very close friend. Her friend was really pissed off and decided to end their friendship over a stupid misunderstanding, and was too proud to admit that they should just work things out. I've seen this before, and it sounds too familiar.
I've also tried working things out when things have gone wrong with friends. Sometimes life has a way of screwing up in ways we can't control, and this is ok. What I did was I tried my best to talk after the misunderstanding and work things out. I think it's best to immediately admit that it was really no one's fault. You see everyone has their pride. And you must understand that friends have their pride too.
I tried talking and making sure my pal knew I wasn't upset over the issue and we could talk things through, but it wasn't any use. I tried to arrange meet-ups but all I got was a cold shoulder. My friend was rude and even arrogant, but I knew I could sacrifice face for friendship. I have never dealt with a person who could treat a friend so coldly like this. I tried everything. Lowered myself where I have never done before, because I thought this friendship was important to me than my pride.
Days became weeks. I tried everything, but there was no response. To my friend, pride was more important than anything else, including this friendship. In fact I hit a rough patch when my friend recently passed away. And my friend wasn't there to help me through this when I needed a helping hand the most.
After lowering myself where I thought I wouldn't, and after dealing with my friends death. I think I then realised who my real friends are. I tried my best to save the friendship, but pride had taken over my friend, and there is nothing one can do but to do your best. This was one of my lowest periods, and what I needed was the company of my friend. But to this person, there were more important things than friendship.
I told SQ that you have to try everything you can to save a friendship even if it's not your fault. People are human. But if despite your best efforts things don't work out the way they should, then we all have to move on and let go. Life is complicated enough. There reaches a point where one has tried his best. And that's all that a person can do.
It's always sad to lose a friend. But it's never sad to lose a friend who doesn't appreciate a friendship. Talk is cheap I told SQ. If friends really appreciate you, they won't end a friendship over a misunderstanding, which her friend was doing. Appreciating friendship is not just only in the heart, it's about showing that you can take action too. Friends who appreciate you will talk things out with you even if they are angry. But pride can sometimes change people, and I've seen this myself. You know the phrase "It takes 2 hands to clap". That's all it takes.
I was talking to Al about how life has changed alot. And we both agree. I think as life gets more complicated and more demanding, you begin to realise who are the friends who always provide the most simplest and meaningful friendships. And I am grateful for them.
Alot has changed. I think lately I am no longer the same Ian. In the last term of school and over the last few weeks, I've grown up alot. And my attitude towards life is even more positive than ever. I'm glad for my closest friends. They've helped me through some hard times. And I am much grateful every day for each of them. Some friends drop out along the way, but there will always be the few who will stand beside you no matter what. I hope SQ will be able to work things out with her friend because every friendship is important.
My best pals are very much like me. Family, friends and relationships all carry equal weight. We don't sit on our lazy asses by making sure we do our best in everything we do. And we cherish our lives and our future. These are all very important things to me. And having friends who see life the way you do means alot to me. It means they understand you when you say you have a goal in life. It means they understand when you say you treasure their friendships. It means they understand every decision you make. And this is comforting knowing that they'll be behind me. No matter what.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Some Kinda Week
This is officially one of the most fun yet stressful exam periods ever. Everyday I come to school at 11am and leave at 10pm. Its ben pretty tiring keeping to the work schedule but it beats staying at home to study.
Thank God for SMU. Everyday, even if I haven't arranged for my mugging pals, there are always the rest of my friends to hangout with. I love SMU so fuck off if you don't. On Monday I had lunch with Huss, Yves, Jerry and Qingling at the Sultan's Kebabs place which was REALLY good. Then back to studying, and then I think gym and dinns with Boons and Weims. Or shit was that Friday? Can't remember really. Gee what happened on Tues? Haha ok the mugging part is at least confirmed but I can't remember what else. The only sketchy things I remember doing this week in no particular order is this:
- meeting Tim everywhere in school
- laughing like mad everytime I bump into Angsish and her starry starry night shoes
- laughing with Gabe
- mugging with Jasps and friends
- mugging with Dz
- dinns with part of the fteebsers
- going to sultan's kebabs 3 times this week
- having lunch with Steve twice
- imitating weim's "budget leh"
- going to Armenian once
Ok as I look through what I actually did it looks like I had a pretty unhapps week haha. But I think there have been alot of laughs and fun haha even though this has been a really YUCKSNESS time of the year. I can't wait for the hols.
2nd Dec- last day of exams
3rd - 1oth Dec - Japan trip to Yokohama
11th - 31st Dec - internship
1st Jan - start of school
Gee. Shit I always do this to myself. NEVER taking breaks during our holidays. This time I'm doing an internship with Water's Edge Advertising Consultancy, which is a ad agency which does the work for DBS, POSB and ABN-AMRO. Hopefully it will be interesting. I've done 2 marketing internships already so maybe this will give me more insight into the world of advertising. People always think that advertising is creative and cool. But the truth is, after working in 2 different marketing departments, people need to realise that advertisers are the slaves of the marketers. It's the marketers who set the creative direction of the company and who ultimately have the final say. So I think by being a slave for one month, I will understand more about advertising and help me in my marketing career.
Shit I just remembered I vowed to take up tennis and adobe photoshop before the end of the year.
Ok. Back to the books. It's only 3.15pm so I have about 7 plus hours to go before I head home to watch more ANTM cycle 7. I hope I can finish my democracy readings today.
I love SMU out.
This is officially one of the most fun yet stressful exam periods ever. Everyday I come to school at 11am and leave at 10pm. Its ben pretty tiring keeping to the work schedule but it beats staying at home to study.
Thank God for SMU. Everyday, even if I haven't arranged for my mugging pals, there are always the rest of my friends to hangout with. I love SMU so fuck off if you don't. On Monday I had lunch with Huss, Yves, Jerry and Qingling at the Sultan's Kebabs place which was REALLY good. Then back to studying, and then I think gym and dinns with Boons and Weims. Or shit was that Friday? Can't remember really. Gee what happened on Tues? Haha ok the mugging part is at least confirmed but I can't remember what else. The only sketchy things I remember doing this week in no particular order is this:
- meeting Tim everywhere in school
- laughing like mad everytime I bump into Angsish and her starry starry night shoes
- laughing with Gabe
- mugging with Jasps and friends
- mugging with Dz
- dinns with part of the fteebsers
- going to sultan's kebabs 3 times this week
- having lunch with Steve twice
- imitating weim's "budget leh"
- going to Armenian once
Ok as I look through what I actually did it looks like I had a pretty unhapps week haha. But I think there have been alot of laughs and fun haha even though this has been a really YUCKSNESS time of the year. I can't wait for the hols.
2nd Dec- last day of exams
3rd - 1oth Dec - Japan trip to Yokohama
11th - 31st Dec - internship
1st Jan - start of school
Gee. Shit I always do this to myself. NEVER taking breaks during our holidays. This time I'm doing an internship with Water's Edge Advertising Consultancy, which is a ad agency which does the work for DBS, POSB and ABN-AMRO. Hopefully it will be interesting. I've done 2 marketing internships already so maybe this will give me more insight into the world of advertising. People always think that advertising is creative and cool. But the truth is, after working in 2 different marketing departments, people need to realise that advertisers are the slaves of the marketers. It's the marketers who set the creative direction of the company and who ultimately have the final say. So I think by being a slave for one month, I will understand more about advertising and help me in my marketing career.
Shit I just remembered I vowed to take up tennis and adobe photoshop before the end of the year.
Ok. Back to the books. It's only 3.15pm so I have about 7 plus hours to go before I head home to watch more ANTM cycle 7. I hope I can finish my democracy readings today.
I love SMU out.
Monday, November 20, 2006
All The King's Horses
You ride on your pride,
Like a sorry old horse,
Captain of a ship,
That's lost it's course.
Pride has become you,
You now wear a mask,
That is lonely and bitter,
A winter that lasts.
Take a good look around,
Where are your friends,
Your best days are fading,
They're coming to an end.
You were too stubborn to see,
Your mistakes and you'll pay,
With regret for a lifetime,
There's nothing to say.
A person of promise,
So gone to waste,
Mistakes in the past,
Left a bitter taste.
Trying to help,
I did what I could,
But you push help away,
As a proud person should.
You've severed your ties,
You're on your own now,
I hope you'll find someone else,
To help you somehow.
All the King's horses,
And all the King's men,
Can't save you from pride,
And a heart that won't mend.
You ride on your pride,
Like a sorry old horse,
Captain of a ship,
That's lost it's course.
Pride has become you,
You now wear a mask,
That is lonely and bitter,
A winter that lasts.
Take a good look around,
Where are your friends,
Your best days are fading,
They're coming to an end.
You were too stubborn to see,
Your mistakes and you'll pay,
With regret for a lifetime,
There's nothing to say.
A person of promise,
So gone to waste,
Mistakes in the past,
Left a bitter taste.
Trying to help,
I did what I could,
But you push help away,
As a proud person should.
You've severed your ties,
You're on your own now,
I hope you'll find someone else,
To help you somehow.
All the King's horses,
And all the King's men,
Can't save you from pride,
And a heart that won't mend.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
A Comforting Thought
I think as we get older, we appreciate our recreation time alot more. Gosh, I haven't even started working yet, but increasingly I see how important our time is. Not like I didn't realise it before, but time is become a little more precious than I remember.
The point is, because time is getting precious, what becomes equally important is the close friends we spend our time with. Not acquaintances, but the closest ones. But the concern here is that are only the handful of friends who really value the meaning of friendship.
Some people value work, their girlfriends or boyfriends, or their hobbies over their friends. And it's definately their choice. These are the things they value more than anything. It shows on their faces because when you're hanging out with them, they've got something else on their minds. You can tell who they are because you can count on them to disappear off the radar for extended periods of time. Especially when you need them the most. The unfortunate thing is, we only realise our best friends when something bad happens.
I know people who say "oh I love my pals". But that's where it ends. Talk is cheap. The kind of people that are happy hearing from their closest friends every few months or so. Kinda sad to think that there are people who don't need to hear much from their friends. And I think for a people person like me, that somehow doesn't make much sense. I have found that just a msg or a call every now and then from friends is something nice. And It doesn't take much.
As I grow up with my friends, I realise its not so much common interests that bind friends together, or even common backgrounds. It's really about their values and priorities. I find my closest pals have so different interests as me, but most importantly, we value our friendships as much as work and our own relationships. For god's sakes everyone is busy. Who really has the time? But it's the real friends who make the effort despite the circumstances.
Dz and Sil was saying dinner at my place even when we're grown up. I think of that as a comforting thought. That no matter where life takes us, we will always be able to sit together as good friends and enjoy each others company. I know my parents make it a point to abandon their kids every Sunday night to have dinner with their friends, and I understand why this is important to them. They value their friends. Fullstop. Explanation not required.
I guess I decided to write about this because lately I've come to realise who are my closest friends. The ones who've stuck with me through thick and thin. I've lost friends along the way because they don't value their friendships. And I'm not sorry for that, because I value my friends and give them my best. Fullstop. Explanation not required.
As I grow up, we begin to recognise the friends that will be here to stay for life, because life is about changes, and there will always be certain friends that will always be there for us no matter what happens. And that is very much a comforting thought.
I think as we get older, we appreciate our recreation time alot more. Gosh, I haven't even started working yet, but increasingly I see how important our time is. Not like I didn't realise it before, but time is become a little more precious than I remember.
The point is, because time is getting precious, what becomes equally important is the close friends we spend our time with. Not acquaintances, but the closest ones. But the concern here is that are only the handful of friends who really value the meaning of friendship.
Some people value work, their girlfriends or boyfriends, or their hobbies over their friends. And it's definately their choice. These are the things they value more than anything. It shows on their faces because when you're hanging out with them, they've got something else on their minds. You can tell who they are because you can count on them to disappear off the radar for extended periods of time. Especially when you need them the most. The unfortunate thing is, we only realise our best friends when something bad happens.
I know people who say "oh I love my pals". But that's where it ends. Talk is cheap. The kind of people that are happy hearing from their closest friends every few months or so. Kinda sad to think that there are people who don't need to hear much from their friends. And I think for a people person like me, that somehow doesn't make much sense. I have found that just a msg or a call every now and then from friends is something nice. And It doesn't take much.
As I grow up with my friends, I realise its not so much common interests that bind friends together, or even common backgrounds. It's really about their values and priorities. I find my closest pals have so different interests as me, but most importantly, we value our friendships as much as work and our own relationships. For god's sakes everyone is busy. Who really has the time? But it's the real friends who make the effort despite the circumstances.
Dz and Sil was saying dinner at my place even when we're grown up. I think of that as a comforting thought. That no matter where life takes us, we will always be able to sit together as good friends and enjoy each others company. I know my parents make it a point to abandon their kids every Sunday night to have dinner with their friends, and I understand why this is important to them. They value their friends. Fullstop. Explanation not required.
I guess I decided to write about this because lately I've come to realise who are my closest friends. The ones who've stuck with me through thick and thin. I've lost friends along the way because they don't value their friendships. And I'm not sorry for that, because I value my friends and give them my best. Fullstop. Explanation not required.
As I grow up, we begin to recognise the friends that will be here to stay for life, because life is about changes, and there will always be certain friends that will always be there for us no matter what happens. And that is very much a comforting thought.
Watching Over Us
I took the bus to school yesterday. It happened to drive past the ACS (I) track and it reminded me of you. I saw the kids playing around the polevault mat and I immediately thought of you.
It's so hard. Sometimes in the day there are times I feel like crying because I know you're not here anymore but I hold it inside. There are times when I worry so much for your family. You were like a younger brother to me. And I am sorry I couldn't have done anything for you.
I don't think anyone really understands unless they've lost someone before. You're not something to get over. You're not something to move on from. You're part of my past, my life and part of me. Not thinking about you isn't going to make things better. By remembering our happy times you will always be here with me. I hope you are watching from above and watching over us. Making sure every step of the way is okay somehow.
I guess part of me hasn't come to terms with the fact that you're no longer here. And you must understand that I have to take my own time to heal. Watch over us. I will miss you always.
I took the bus to school yesterday. It happened to drive past the ACS (I) track and it reminded me of you. I saw the kids playing around the polevault mat and I immediately thought of you.
It's so hard. Sometimes in the day there are times I feel like crying because I know you're not here anymore but I hold it inside. There are times when I worry so much for your family. You were like a younger brother to me. And I am sorry I couldn't have done anything for you.
I don't think anyone really understands unless they've lost someone before. You're not something to get over. You're not something to move on from. You're part of my past, my life and part of me. Not thinking about you isn't going to make things better. By remembering our happy times you will always be here with me. I hope you are watching from above and watching over us. Making sure every step of the way is okay somehow.
I guess part of me hasn't come to terms with the fact that you're no longer here. And you must understand that I have to take my own time to heal. Watch over us. I will miss you always.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
F Teebser, Smube Supps Goofser and a Spec
The last few days have been so tiring. The exams are drawing near and so the heat is on. However, the last few days have also been really fun. It's midnight and I'm damn shack, but looking at the photos I've taken the last few days really brings a smile to my face.
Today I had dinns with the specs. We celebrated Benny's belated birts. We had dinns at Zingdo (yucksness square name) but the best bibimbap ever. Love it kind. I chose this Zara hoodie which I knew he'd like and it turns out he wanted to buy it. SERIOUSLY TOTS not jokes kind. Always good to see the specs.
Also, last night we had a "last day of school" dinner party at my place with ALL the F Teebsers. The turn-out was good. (phoebes, st, dzarzilla, weimseer, mich, crys, lanceish, lex, da and aaron) LAUGH like no one's business kind. OMG when we played dead or alive downstairs the girls were screaming like TOTS no govts kind. Sorry neighbours. CRYSTAL!! She was screaming like the clairol ad except she was dressed like pocahonts meets brokeback kind. She wins best dressed. Boonsish only abit angstish act chunli only while playing computer games. Naps dyns is def not a good movie. Deuce Bigs was way better. Happy birts Aaron. My dog has a new name thanks to Da and the rest of the F Teebsers. Doggles.
The day before was meeting up with the Sumbe Supper Goofballs. The funniest friends ever. Love you guys. NEEM NEEM NONG NONG. HAHAHAHA. Had dinns with Eric and Gabe at the chicken rice place, and met up with tim, gabe and tarn at HV for beer and wings. How am I going to keep quiet in class when I do marketing with Gabe, Serene and Eric. NOT possible square.
3 days of laughter with the best friends ever.
The last few days have been so tiring. The exams are drawing near and so the heat is on. However, the last few days have also been really fun. It's midnight and I'm damn shack, but looking at the photos I've taken the last few days really brings a smile to my face.
Today I had dinns with the specs. We celebrated Benny's belated birts. We had dinns at Zingdo (yucksness square name) but the best bibimbap ever. Love it kind. I chose this Zara hoodie which I knew he'd like and it turns out he wanted to buy it. SERIOUSLY TOTS not jokes kind. Always good to see the specs.
Also, last night we had a "last day of school" dinner party at my place with ALL the F Teebsers. The turn-out was good. (phoebes, st, dzarzilla, weimseer, mich, crys, lanceish, lex, da and aaron) LAUGH like no one's business kind. OMG when we played dead or alive downstairs the girls were screaming like TOTS no govts kind. Sorry neighbours. CRYSTAL!! She was screaming like the clairol ad except she was dressed like pocahonts meets brokeback kind. She wins best dressed. Boonsish only abit angstish act chunli only while playing computer games. Naps dyns is def not a good movie. Deuce Bigs was way better. Happy birts Aaron. My dog has a new name thanks to Da and the rest of the F Teebsers. Doggles.
The day before was meeting up with the Sumbe Supper Goofballs. The funniest friends ever. Love you guys. NEEM NEEM NONG NONG. HAHAHAHA. Had dinns with Eric and Gabe at the chicken rice place, and met up with tim, gabe and tarn at HV for beer and wings. How am I going to keep quiet in class when I do marketing with Gabe, Serene and Eric. NOT possible square.
3 days of laughter with the best friends ever.
girls VS boys
weimseerian
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Take A Picture
Today was one of those days you are grateful for life. Nothing special happened today. Subway for lunch with Jasmine in class. MSNing and laughing under our breath. E-mailing the F-Teebs gang to decide the theme for our movie night tomorrow. 2 classes with friends. Trenting all the way during class. Escaping for a random break with ky, dz, wy and jols and lots of laughs. Photos with my friends and the Prof. Dinns with gabe and eric at the Hainanese chicken rice place near school. Supps with Tim, Gabe and Tarn at Holland V. Had buffalo wings and 1 fosters and 1 heineken at Brekos. Oh my god. Laugh until can die kind!! I love my SMUBE Supper Goofballs. Its the simple happy times that are the most special. And I think I will miss the day we leave SMU. Looking at how fun the days are, I truly appreciate every moment. Take a picture. Freeze this moment. So I'll always remember.
Today was one of those days you are grateful for life. Nothing special happened today. Subway for lunch with Jasmine in class. MSNing and laughing under our breath. E-mailing the F-Teebs gang to decide the theme for our movie night tomorrow. 2 classes with friends. Trenting all the way during class. Escaping for a random break with ky, dz, wy and jols and lots of laughs. Photos with my friends and the Prof. Dinns with gabe and eric at the Hainanese chicken rice place near school. Supps with Tim, Gabe and Tarn at Holland V. Had buffalo wings and 1 fosters and 1 heineken at Brekos. Oh my god. Laugh until can die kind!! I love my SMUBE Supper Goofballs. Its the simple happy times that are the most special. And I think I will miss the day we leave SMU. Looking at how fun the days are, I truly appreciate every moment. Take a picture. Freeze this moment. So I'll always remember.
pretty fly for a white guy
love these guys
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
A Hike
Yesterday I was on number 14 when they announced on CNA that the government was raising the GST by 2%.
I normally don't give a rats ass or a horses dick about politics, but I was paying attention to everything that Lee Hsien Loong was saying. After all, my clothes were going to cost 2% more soon. He said that the money would be used for the lower income groups and the elderly. Even though his argument was circular and ranty, I think his argument did the job. I am convinced.
We don't stop and drop a coin in a street busker's basket because we know they don't need our money. But the elderly and lower-income groups do. I think we sometimes don't donate money because we don't know how to, and we're just too lazy. And if you think of the 2% as a donation to the people who need it most, then I think that's the best way of looking at it.
So please, go ahead, take my 2% more. Just remember Mr Lee that one day, I'm going to make it big, and you're going to wish that you made the 2% 10%.
Yesterday I was on number 14 when they announced on CNA that the government was raising the GST by 2%.
I normally don't give a rats ass or a horses dick about politics, but I was paying attention to everything that Lee Hsien Loong was saying. After all, my clothes were going to cost 2% more soon. He said that the money would be used for the lower income groups and the elderly. Even though his argument was circular and ranty, I think his argument did the job. I am convinced.
We don't stop and drop a coin in a street busker's basket because we know they don't need our money. But the elderly and lower-income groups do. I think we sometimes don't donate money because we don't know how to, and we're just too lazy. And if you think of the 2% as a donation to the people who need it most, then I think that's the best way of looking at it.
So please, go ahead, take my 2% more. Just remember Mr Lee that one day, I'm going to make it big, and you're going to wish that you made the 2% 10%.
A Day In The Life
A day starts with
1 missed call and a message about project meetings
15 minutes more sleep no matter what time it is
Clothes and toiletries in a whirlwind
1 small dab of Gatsby
A dilemma about which jacket
A bigger dilemma about which bag
Sweating like a dog walking from my house to the bus stop
Curling up in a ball on the bus with my earphones on
Waking up just in time to press the bus bell
Reaching school half awake
Bumping into Steve (again) at Subway
Planning for dinner already with my bros
6” spicy Italian with BBQ and Chipotle Southwest sauce. No olives
Interrupting the class that has already started
Jasmine with a “happs” seat saved for me
Pretending to listen but really MSNing
Trent if really boring
Struggling with my sub sandwich
A cheese stain on my pants
Raising my hand where appropriate to simulate participation
Nodding as if I understand
Strawberry green tea and happs chicken during break
Making fun of the prof’s new haircut
Jasmine saying “I want to borrow your jacket”
400metres dash from Social Science to Business block
Repeating “Hey, where you off to?” 10 times in the concourse
Never being able to finish a conversation with anyone in time
Lunch at Armenian with The Randoms
Sweating like a dog number 2.
Syazzie with tissue
Mee soto. No tau gei. More noods. Coke.
A message from Dzarrin. “Dinner?”
A message to Weiyi and King Yau. “Dinns?”
Laughter when Chloe does the Scat thing
Riccardo and Marco jokes galore
At least 5 mentions about the geeks in school
Insider jokes and nicknames galore
More laughter ensues
Lazing at the lounge
A call from Cheryl that starts with “OH MY GOD YOU KNOW…”
I normally don’t know
Telling the randoms I love SMU
Their reply, “YES WE KNOW, IAN.”
Mugging in the library (mugs in the libs)
Me and Serene almost shouting and laughing in the libs
A conversation that uses “happs”, “act only kind”, “OH MY” and “SHUTTS”
Jasper denying he is a mugger
Chips and drinks smuggled under my jacket
Struggling between studying and MSNing
Messaging KY to hurry up and join me
One racist comment about noisy foreign students
A Call from Dzarrin. Dinner time!
LKCSB scholars room for regrouping
Ish with Lance-ish and Jayne-ish
Weimseer the red nosed reindeer
KY and WY at SOB
Mom calling to find out if I’m coming home for dinner
15 minutes to decide where to eat
Almost inevitably ending up at Magic Wok for beef kway teow
More laughing than eating
Jokes about dyslexia, dzarzilla, my hickey and non-racist racist jokes
Another 15 minutes to decide whether to go to Island Creamery
Deciding not to go and saying bye for 5 minutes
Dzarrin and me on the west line home
A nostalgic thought of the good old days
Recap of the more stupid events of the day
Byes at Dover station
Stepping on snails and frogs accidentally
Sweating like a dog number 3
A hot shower and dove shower cream
Laptop out and MSN running
Yahoo Grafitti with friends
Expletives galore
Picassa, Friendster and Blogger
5 chat windows running
12 midnight SMU group study room booking
Cursing at the scholars who always somehow book faster
Crashing Mikey’s room to get a jacket
David knocks on my door to borrow a shirt
Booking group study rooms at midnight
A growling stomach
2 packets of Chu Qian Yi Ding in front of the computer
Telling myself 15 minutes more
Emo chatting after 1am
The clock shows 2am as if suddenly
Wash up and oxy
Nightish to my friends
Thankful for my pals
Glad to be in SMU
Cancelling out all thoughts
Sleepish
A day starts with
1 missed call and a message about project meetings
15 minutes more sleep no matter what time it is
Clothes and toiletries in a whirlwind
1 small dab of Gatsby
A dilemma about which jacket
A bigger dilemma about which bag
Sweating like a dog walking from my house to the bus stop
Curling up in a ball on the bus with my earphones on
Waking up just in time to press the bus bell
Reaching school half awake
Bumping into Steve (again) at Subway
Planning for dinner already with my bros
6” spicy Italian with BBQ and Chipotle Southwest sauce. No olives
Interrupting the class that has already started
Jasmine with a “happs” seat saved for me
Pretending to listen but really MSNing
Trent if really boring
Struggling with my sub sandwich
A cheese stain on my pants
Raising my hand where appropriate to simulate participation
Nodding as if I understand
Strawberry green tea and happs chicken during break
Making fun of the prof’s new haircut
Jasmine saying “I want to borrow your jacket”
400metres dash from Social Science to Business block
Repeating “Hey, where you off to?” 10 times in the concourse
Never being able to finish a conversation with anyone in time
Lunch at Armenian with The Randoms
Sweating like a dog number 2.
Syazzie with tissue
Mee soto. No tau gei. More noods. Coke.
A message from Dzarrin. “Dinner?”
A message to Weiyi and King Yau. “Dinns?”
Laughter when Chloe does the Scat thing
Riccardo and Marco jokes galore
At least 5 mentions about the geeks in school
Insider jokes and nicknames galore
More laughter ensues
Lazing at the lounge
A call from Cheryl that starts with “OH MY GOD YOU KNOW…”
I normally don’t know
Telling the randoms I love SMU
Their reply, “YES WE KNOW, IAN.”
Mugging in the library (mugs in the libs)
Me and Serene almost shouting and laughing in the libs
A conversation that uses “happs”, “act only kind”, “OH MY” and “SHUTTS”
Jasper denying he is a mugger
Chips and drinks smuggled under my jacket
Struggling between studying and MSNing
Messaging KY to hurry up and join me
One racist comment about noisy foreign students
A Call from Dzarrin. Dinner time!
LKCSB scholars room for regrouping
Ish with Lance-ish and Jayne-ish
Weimseer the red nosed reindeer
KY and WY at SOB
Mom calling to find out if I’m coming home for dinner
15 minutes to decide where to eat
Almost inevitably ending up at Magic Wok for beef kway teow
More laughing than eating
Jokes about dyslexia, dzarzilla, my hickey and non-racist racist jokes
Another 15 minutes to decide whether to go to Island Creamery
Deciding not to go and saying bye for 5 minutes
Dzarrin and me on the west line home
A nostalgic thought of the good old days
Recap of the more stupid events of the day
Byes at Dover station
Stepping on snails and frogs accidentally
Sweating like a dog number 3
A hot shower and dove shower cream
Laptop out and MSN running
Yahoo Grafitti with friends
Expletives galore
Picassa, Friendster and Blogger
5 chat windows running
12 midnight SMU group study room booking
Cursing at the scholars who always somehow book faster
Crashing Mikey’s room to get a jacket
David knocks on my door to borrow a shirt
Booking group study rooms at midnight
A growling stomach
2 packets of Chu Qian Yi Ding in front of the computer
Telling myself 15 minutes more
Emo chatting after 1am
The clock shows 2am as if suddenly
Wash up and oxy
Nightish to my friends
Thankful for my pals
Glad to be in SMU
Cancelling out all thoughts
Sleepish
Monday, November 13, 2006
Seeya Soon
Thanks my dear friend. That's the most important piece of advice anyone has given me. I always knew the decision I would make, but hearing you say those words really made me realise how I feel about it. And you're right. No regrets.
I know we come from 2 different universes. But we're really not that different. Just 2 people trying to be happy in our own different ways. Our life has changed quite abit yeah? Life hasn't been easy for you I know sometimes. But I am always hoping for the best for you.
I actually filled out the application form today. You have no idea the amount of information they need. It's crazy. But I did it knowing that this might change my life forever. I think about how things might be so different for both of us very soon.
Life is so complicated. It's good sometimes, and then suddenly it's full of shit. But I am always grateful for our simple friendship. You're right. A friendship like this doesn't come along easily. And I'll always be there for you no matter what cards life deals us. Seeya soon.
Thanks my dear friend. That's the most important piece of advice anyone has given me. I always knew the decision I would make, but hearing you say those words really made me realise how I feel about it. And you're right. No regrets.
I know we come from 2 different universes. But we're really not that different. Just 2 people trying to be happy in our own different ways. Our life has changed quite abit yeah? Life hasn't been easy for you I know sometimes. But I am always hoping for the best for you.
I actually filled out the application form today. You have no idea the amount of information they need. It's crazy. But I did it knowing that this might change my life forever. I think about how things might be so different for both of us very soon.
Life is so complicated. It's good sometimes, and then suddenly it's full of shit. But I am always grateful for our simple friendship. You're right. A friendship like this doesn't come along easily. And I'll always be there for you no matter what cards life deals us. Seeya soon.
Eating My Words
Going back on your word sucks. It does. You feel so god damn sure when you first say something. Then suddenly you realise you've made a mistake.
In my last post, I said I wouldn't blog for time being. But even in just a few days, I sometimes felt like I should have been writing down my thoughts. Who cares if people are reading or not. The point was that I need to jot down my thoughts for myself. I've never given a shit what people think. So here it goes. Once again. Just for myself.
Going back on your word sucks. It does. You feel so god damn sure when you first say something. Then suddenly you realise you've made a mistake.
In my last post, I said I wouldn't blog for time being. But even in just a few days, I sometimes felt like I should have been writing down my thoughts. Who cares if people are reading or not. The point was that I need to jot down my thoughts for myself. I've never given a shit what people think. So here it goes. Once again. Just for myself.
Friday, November 10, 2006
The full stop
I've decided to stop blogging for the time being. I've always used my blog like a diary, and it's been nice to write down things I think of. But part of me doesn't like anyone to read my thoughts. Blogs are a lazy way of keeping in touch with friends. We read their blog, and we know what they're up to. And that for me spoils the meaning of keeping in touch. I think I appreciate my closest friends because they don't have to read a website written by me to know what's going on. And for me, that's an important thing. That's something we call friendship. And that's how we learn who we can call friends.
Alot has happened lately, some very tough moments, but many good ones as well, and if I put it in words, I wouldn't know where to start. I am grateful now. It feels like the good old days once more. The ACS i days. I am finally enjoying life the way it should be, and I feel brand new all over again. And that's all anyone needs to know really. Thanks for follwing the posts. It's been fun though writing posts and sharing my thoughts. Keep in touch. And I'll seeya soon.
Love,
Ian
I've decided to stop blogging for the time being. I've always used my blog like a diary, and it's been nice to write down things I think of. But part of me doesn't like anyone to read my thoughts. Blogs are a lazy way of keeping in touch with friends. We read their blog, and we know what they're up to. And that for me spoils the meaning of keeping in touch. I think I appreciate my closest friends because they don't have to read a website written by me to know what's going on. And for me, that's an important thing. That's something we call friendship. And that's how we learn who we can call friends.
Alot has happened lately, some very tough moments, but many good ones as well, and if I put it in words, I wouldn't know where to start. I am grateful now. It feels like the good old days once more. The ACS i days. I am finally enjoying life the way it should be, and I feel brand new all over again. And that's all anyone needs to know really. Thanks for follwing the posts. It's been fun though writing posts and sharing my thoughts. Keep in touch. And I'll seeya soon.
Love,
Ian
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
You Will Be Missed
This has been the worst week of my life. Kai passed away this week. I don’t know why death happens to people who don’t deserve to go so soon. Kai was like a younger brother to me. Our families have always been close and we have known each other since we were babies. We used to play superhero with our capes and toy guns and swords. Kai, me and my brothers used to run about our garden after school playing hide and seek until it was time for dinner. I still smile when I think of these days. Such carefree days.
Then there were the pole vaulting days when Kai and me were in ACS Independent. He was 3 years younger than me so by default I introduced him into the Track and Field team. I hope he enjoyed those days. We had many laughs and good times shared. I will always remember them as one of my best.
And then the time came for him to go to Melbourne to study. He grew up a lot in that time. Every time he came home to visit I couldn’t recognize him. He would always come with his family. Such a kind and generous family the Lees are. They will always be like family to me. I remember taking Kai for a spin in my Mazda with a cigarette in his hand and the wind in our hair. He told me what Melbourne was like and his new life, and when he told me about his studies in architecture I felt happy for him.
And then last week I got an unexpected message from Soon Kit. He said Kai had passed away in Melbourne. These kinds of things never register the way they are supposed to. I didn’t want to believe it was true. I checked with Tze Xiong several times to make sure he didn’t get the facts wrong. But sure enough he was right.
The first day felt numb. Like as if my mind couldn’t piece together the concept of having lost Kai. But then I started to feel the loss soon enough. And it hit me pretty bad. This is how Alfian passed away too. Suddenly and with no warning. It was like the same thing all over again. For days I felt like I could cry any moment. I felt ill. Thinking about Uncle Chee Chiang and Auntie Siok Yong was very painful. I could not imagine their feeling of loss. I felt like I had lost a part of my own self, a younger brother who looked up to me.
It’s hard you know. No one understands loss like the person who loses something. And there were moments when I felt like no one really knew what I was going through. But I knew my bro Dzarrin would understand. We had lost a close friend before. He knew how I felt. When someone close to you passes away, there’s nothing anyone can do to help you ease the pain, but just having your closest friends around you can make the hurt heal alot faster. Me, Steve and Dzarrin have been through alot together. Through our track days in ACS (i), to the crazy days in ACJC, the 2 years of army, and till now, we've come a very long way. And in this time alot of things have happened. We've grown up alot.
This was a terrible week the least to say. Many deadlines and presentations at school. Decisions about my plans for studying abroad in future. Dealing with difficult friends. I fell ill and I’m still fighting a fever. And yes, the loss of a good friend. This has been the worst week ever.
But then yknow life has a funny way of picking us up whenever you think there’s no way up. My closest friends have given me support when I’ve needed it the most. Today I spent a day in school. I met my pals Chloe and Norainee for lunch and my closest friends Steve and Dzarrin for dinner. Just being with them really cheered me up. They knew this has been a rough week for me and I knew I could count on them to make me smile. Even chatting with KY and Cheryl online was good enough to cheer me up. I feel so grateful to have friends like them. Real friends. Not “say only” friends. Real friends who’ve helped me through this. And who I know I can depend on. It’s funny how the simplest things in life can make a person happy. And the company of my best friends did the job. As I was getting ready to sleep tonight, despite the loss, I finally felt like I could move on. I finally felt at peace with myself.
You know, it’s only been one week. But I feel like a lot has changed in one week. When Kai passed away I felt like a part of me died. And in some ways I think it’s true. But you know despite the loss of people we love the most, life still goes on. We are never the same when we lose someone. Somehow we look at life differently. And re-evaluate the things we have. In a crisis, you learn who are the people you can count on. God its so damn cliche to say it, but only the important things really matter. And even as I feel sadness for the loss of a friend, I smile from my heart knowing that I have my family and friends who care for me, and who have helped me up at my lowest point. It was a tough week. But I can finally move on now. Losing a person who is close to us will never be easy, but learning to deal with the loss is much easier when you appreciate the things in life that make it beautiful. Dear Kai. You will always be remembered. And you will always be missed.
the Gocheck Apartment days - me and my bros
the glory days - messing around with the vaulters
the acjc days - Alfian, Me and Dzarrin
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Thanks
Thanks. For always being there for me. Since we left the bunk, our life has taken a 360 degree turn. Friends have come and gone. Things have changed alot. And so have we too. Thanks for always listening. For letting me complain whenever things get too tough. Sometimes I just need someone to talk to. And I know you've never let me down.
Sometimes life is complicated. But our friendship has always been simple. You've never given me any shit. You've never let me down where others have. And don't even think for a second that I don't notice. I always remember. And I am always appreciative that you're there.
If I have a secret. You're the first to know. Because I know you'll understand. Because you'll always listen and I can trust you to be truthful. I know I nag sometimes haha. But its only because I believe that you've got so much potential. I'll always watch your back, because you've always got mine covered.
You're a rare breed. An unspoilt kid in an imperfect world. You're not the same from the rest. And you've got alot to give. Your hard work at training has taken you to the next level, and I'm very proud of you.
These days in SMU have been the best of my life. And I hope you're enjoying them too. Although this coming year may spell some big changes for me I'm thinking. But no matter what happens, you'll always be the best to me. And for that, I give thanks.
Thanks. For always being there for me. Since we left the bunk, our life has taken a 360 degree turn. Friends have come and gone. Things have changed alot. And so have we too. Thanks for always listening. For letting me complain whenever things get too tough. Sometimes I just need someone to talk to. And I know you've never let me down.
Sometimes life is complicated. But our friendship has always been simple. You've never given me any shit. You've never let me down where others have. And don't even think for a second that I don't notice. I always remember. And I am always appreciative that you're there.
If I have a secret. You're the first to know. Because I know you'll understand. Because you'll always listen and I can trust you to be truthful. I know I nag sometimes haha. But its only because I believe that you've got so much potential. I'll always watch your back, because you've always got mine covered.
You're a rare breed. An unspoilt kid in an imperfect world. You're not the same from the rest. And you've got alot to give. Your hard work at training has taken you to the next level, and I'm very proud of you.
These days in SMU have been the best of my life. And I hope you're enjoying them too. Although this coming year may spell some big changes for me I'm thinking. But no matter what happens, you'll always be the best to me. And for that, I give thanks.
My Brother, The Fucking Rockstar
Excuse the french, but my I am the most fucking proud brother in the world. My youngest bro Mike joined a band competition as the lead singer of his band. Actually I had a wedding dinner on today so I wasn't going to able to make it, but I thought I'd just miss some of the dinner to support my bro. I think I was the only one so dressed up and I felt like the oldest kid there.
When it was Mike's turn to perform, his band came out dressed in brit rocker pilot caps and Mike had this punk shirt with epaulettes on the sleeves. I've never seen Mike on stage before and hearing him rocking the set was really cool. His vocals are very clear and his voice isn't the junk shit that most rockers have, like the emo raspy shit. Mike has a unique voice of his own, clear and easy to listen to. He sang one by the Red Hot Chilli Peppers and Pretty Vegas. The music was so good. I swear if he had an album I'd buy. I couldn't believe this was my bro. I was fucking screaming and shouting like hell. I bet the other kids were thinking WTF is this guy doing kind seriously.
In the end Mike's band got 2nd. But who gives a shit seriously. It was fucking good kind. And for me thats fucking good enough. I'm very happy Mike went all out for this despite the fact that he was feeling nervous about it. And I'm fucking square proud of him.
Good Enough
It really bugged me before. Worrying about things I can't change or things that were beyond my control. But recently I think I found my answer. I always try my best in most things I do, in my work (and play), and in my relationships with people. And sometimes life doesn't work out the way you want it to. Sometimes life screws up for no reason.
And honestly there's nothing you can do about it. The best thing one can do is to try to do your best. We can't guarantee that life will deal us the right cards if we try our best, or that people will be appreciative if we give them our 100%. But at least at the end of the day, we can kick back, relax, and smile knowing that we've done everything we could have possibly done. And now I realise, that's more than good enough.
It really bugged me before. Worrying about things I can't change or things that were beyond my control. But recently I think I found my answer. I always try my best in most things I do, in my work (and play), and in my relationships with people. And sometimes life doesn't work out the way you want it to. Sometimes life screws up for no reason.
And honestly there's nothing you can do about it. The best thing one can do is to try to do your best. We can't guarantee that life will deal us the right cards if we try our best, or that people will be appreciative if we give them our 100%. But at least at the end of the day, we can kick back, relax, and smile knowing that we've done everything we could have possibly done. And now I realise, that's more than good enough.
Wei Yi
The plan today was supposed to be to head down to school and study the whole day. It's Saturday, but me and KY wanted to come to school to study. So I was in the study room at SMU alone for a few hours waiting for KY and doing my work, when I got a call from my mom.
"Ian, I've got 2 spare tickets for the Wang Lee Hom concert tonight, want to go?"
*SCREAM* Ok not really scream. But a silent one. There was no doubt in my head who I HAD to call along. I would have to inform KY that our studying plans had turned out to be a one-night only concert at the indoor stadium.
We got there at 7.30pm and the stadium was packed. I don't know many of Lee Hom's songs but there was one song I was dying to hear. It's my favourite chinese song, and one of the only ones I know how to sing. Wei Yi. That's all I wanted to hear that night. I called some of my friends and I knew they'd laugh at me knowing I'm the last person on earth to go for a concert like this.
Once the concert started, Lee Hom was amazing! He's got a fantastic voice that goes high and low without skipping a beat. He actually looks very good in real life and more so than in the magazines or on his albums. He had a new short haircut with a long fringe and I think the new look was working well for him (and his fans). His ballads were so good. His voice was truly strong and clear. And most of his tunes were actually familiar songs which I didn't know the name of. His "Forever Love" song was absolutely fantastic. His jazz and rock & roll songs were really cool and he knows how to show off his musical talent. He played a really touching violin solo, and that really captured the audience.
It was reaching the end. And after cheering and singing along to the chinese words on the screen for more than 2 hours, I was wondering when my song would come up. He said his goodbyes and the show was ending with the music fading. I was getting anxious because the concert was going to end anytime soon. Suddenly the familiar piano accompaniments started playing. And he sang his all-time hit and my all-time favourite. There must have been thousands of people at the concert, but this was a moment of my own.
It was a magical moment. I've heard the song a million times before. Sometimes while on a bus to school, or over ktv, or maybe when I was feeling down. But it was so amazing to hear Lee Hom sing it live. It sounded better than the original track, and I felt very moved, and there are few words to describe it. As though it wasn't real. And even if he only sang that one song this evening, I would have left very happy.
So on that note, the concert ended. My mom giggling like a silly little girl and saying she'd marry Lee Hom. Her friend saying how she almost died when he played the moving violin piece. I left thinking how bloody gifted that Lee Hom is. Good-looking, talented in music and singing, and one of the biggest mando-pop stars. It was a fun evening and I hope KY had a good time too. All I know is that Wang Lee Hom came, and he sang my favourite chinese song of all time. And that's more than good enough for me.
Growing Up, A Superhero's Job
3 boys in one house is a mess. We would be dressed up in capes, wielding toy weapons, jumping up and down and screaming and shouting. Pretending we were superheros with a proper 9 to 5 crime fighting job. Today we all still pretend and make believe, but in other ways that we don't realise. We begin to talk like we know what we're talking about. We begin to learn to match our tie with our shirt. We begin to use words like "options trading" and "investment banking". And we play our own pretend game of superhero.
It's 2am. And I today it was the Tangs Vivocity Launch Party. I recieved the invite from Tangs, and I knew suitably sophisticated company would be required. So I asked Emilia to join me for the event. Emilia just got a job as a banker at Citibank, and I am more proud of her than she knows. There comes a point in one's life where a person finishes school, gets a real job, and starts to earn to feed the family. But it's wierd to see friends getting real jobs. Years ago, I treated Emilia to a meal at Crystal Jade, and I jokingly said that she could pay me back when she got her first paycheck. And it looks like I’ll be getting my treat back pretty soon. Are we really growing up that fast?
My internship at Tangs allowed me to make lasting friends with the people at Tangs. My friends Kevin and Priscilla invited me to come and party with them. I remembered what working at Tangs was like. An awesome 9 to 5 with great colleagues in a family environment like no other. It was interesting hanging out with older friends. They gave me a different perspective of life and work. They were like my helping hand into the world of the 9 to 5 superhero.
I knew what the crowd would be like for the party. Posh. Or something like that. And as a superhero has to dress accordingly to fight crime, so should a boy suitably dress up as well. I slicked back my hair, put on my black pinstripe pants, and wore a fancy shirt with my shiny shoes. When I'm in my work clothes, I don't recognise myself when I look in the mirror. It's kinda wierd and I can't explain it. But that's how we play pretend. We put on a nice shoes and a spiffy shirt. And suddenly we're all grown-up, and ready to sell financial plans and attend cocktail parties. We see it in the comics. Everyone knows that it’s much easier to save the world in a costume.
As I waited for Emilia outside the store promptly at 9pm, I could see the beautiful guests queueing up for the party with their invites in their hands. Tangs had transformed the store into an invite-only club. Other shoppers were amazed, pointing and smiling at the scene that the store was creating. The store was darkened and there were strobing lights and heavy beats coming from the store. Welcome to the wonderful world of the superhero.
As we entered the store, we noticed the ceiling was covered with balloons. The guests were mingling, smiling and giggling with champagne flutes in one hand. We saw alot of local "celebs". Many friends and customers of the Tangs family. Being amateur superheroes, we only managed to nab the Moet & Chandon much later than evening. And since every superhero must carry a weapon, a glass of red and white wine was our weapon of choice. As host Kui Jien sounded the start of the party, the balloons from the ceiling burst simultaneously, and almost sent our glasses flying. The store lit up, and we were guided to hit the counters and start shopping. There were waiters handing out champagne and hor's deurves (confirm spelt wrong), (almost illegal) pole dancing going on at the lingerie section, several fashion shows, a hip hop performance and a DJ spinning music at the various parts of the store. The beautiful guests were enjoying themselves, and so were we. It felt like we were working undercover. Checking out a secret superhero meeting of sorts, except with alcohol. We were happy, smiling and pleased, but definitely not in the right state of mind to spend the $20 vouchers they gave us.
After 7 drinks (each unfortunately) and many bites of food, we still managed to walk out of the store in a straight line. I guess we hold our alcohol as grown superheroes should do. Which may actually qualify us as one. We sat down at the vivocity roof deck, and we talked about Emilia's upcoming job, and my not-so-upcoming plans for the future. I thought about how I was going to attend 3 friend's weddings this year, of how a friend of mine just had his kid, and how of course Emilia was getting a job soon. And I think we both then realised we weren't playing pretend anymore.
It's a pretty intimidating thought isn't it? One day you're dressing up for school presentations and laughing at yourself in the mirror, and the next thing you know, you're dressing up for your first day at work. I've always been the kid who couldn't wait to grow up. Who’s always wanted to be the grownup. Who’s always wanted to get a job. But I guess we're not playing with guns and swords anymore. Our time has come. It’s time to save the world. And a superhero's got to do what a superhero's got to do.
3 boys in one house is a mess. We would be dressed up in capes, wielding toy weapons, jumping up and down and screaming and shouting. Pretending we were superheros with a proper 9 to 5 crime fighting job. Today we all still pretend and make believe, but in other ways that we don't realise. We begin to talk like we know what we're talking about. We begin to learn to match our tie with our shirt. We begin to use words like "options trading" and "investment banking". And we play our own pretend game of superhero.
It's 2am. And I today it was the Tangs Vivocity Launch Party. I recieved the invite from Tangs, and I knew suitably sophisticated company would be required. So I asked Emilia to join me for the event. Emilia just got a job as a banker at Citibank, and I am more proud of her than she knows. There comes a point in one's life where a person finishes school, gets a real job, and starts to earn to feed the family. But it's wierd to see friends getting real jobs. Years ago, I treated Emilia to a meal at Crystal Jade, and I jokingly said that she could pay me back when she got her first paycheck. And it looks like I’ll be getting my treat back pretty soon. Are we really growing up that fast?
My internship at Tangs allowed me to make lasting friends with the people at Tangs. My friends Kevin and Priscilla invited me to come and party with them. I remembered what working at Tangs was like. An awesome 9 to 5 with great colleagues in a family environment like no other. It was interesting hanging out with older friends. They gave me a different perspective of life and work. They were like my helping hand into the world of the 9 to 5 superhero.
I knew what the crowd would be like for the party. Posh. Or something like that. And as a superhero has to dress accordingly to fight crime, so should a boy suitably dress up as well. I slicked back my hair, put on my black pinstripe pants, and wore a fancy shirt with my shiny shoes. When I'm in my work clothes, I don't recognise myself when I look in the mirror. It's kinda wierd and I can't explain it. But that's how we play pretend. We put on a nice shoes and a spiffy shirt. And suddenly we're all grown-up, and ready to sell financial plans and attend cocktail parties. We see it in the comics. Everyone knows that it’s much easier to save the world in a costume.
As I waited for Emilia outside the store promptly at 9pm, I could see the beautiful guests queueing up for the party with their invites in their hands. Tangs had transformed the store into an invite-only club. Other shoppers were amazed, pointing and smiling at the scene that the store was creating. The store was darkened and there were strobing lights and heavy beats coming from the store. Welcome to the wonderful world of the superhero.
As we entered the store, we noticed the ceiling was covered with balloons. The guests were mingling, smiling and giggling with champagne flutes in one hand. We saw alot of local "celebs". Many friends and customers of the Tangs family. Being amateur superheroes, we only managed to nab the Moet & Chandon much later than evening. And since every superhero must carry a weapon, a glass of red and white wine was our weapon of choice. As host Kui Jien sounded the start of the party, the balloons from the ceiling burst simultaneously, and almost sent our glasses flying. The store lit up, and we were guided to hit the counters and start shopping. There were waiters handing out champagne and hor's deurves (confirm spelt wrong), (almost illegal) pole dancing going on at the lingerie section, several fashion shows, a hip hop performance and a DJ spinning music at the various parts of the store. The beautiful guests were enjoying themselves, and so were we. It felt like we were working undercover. Checking out a secret superhero meeting of sorts, except with alcohol. We were happy, smiling and pleased, but definitely not in the right state of mind to spend the $20 vouchers they gave us.
After 7 drinks (each unfortunately) and many bites of food, we still managed to walk out of the store in a straight line. I guess we hold our alcohol as grown superheroes should do. Which may actually qualify us as one. We sat down at the vivocity roof deck, and we talked about Emilia's upcoming job, and my not-so-upcoming plans for the future. I thought about how I was going to attend 3 friend's weddings this year, of how a friend of mine just had his kid, and how of course Emilia was getting a job soon. And I think we both then realised we weren't playing pretend anymore.
It's a pretty intimidating thought isn't it? One day you're dressing up for school presentations and laughing at yourself in the mirror, and the next thing you know, you're dressing up for your first day at work. I've always been the kid who couldn't wait to grow up. Who’s always wanted to be the grownup. Who’s always wanted to get a job. But I guess we're not playing with guns and swords anymore. Our time has come. It’s time to save the world. And a superhero's got to do what a superhero's got to do.
Serenish
This is how SMU students sound like:
A : "Eh lets go kops for dinns with Boons"
B : "Sorry Weims, got to mugs at the libs"
A : "That's damn unhapps kind. Just a quick one, we go eat noods"
B : "Yucksish, the kops noods where got nice"
A : "Better than the Kills one"
Kops - Kopitiam foodcourt
Dinns - dinner
Libs - library
Noods - noodles
Yucksish - yucky
Unhapps - unhappening
Kills - killiney kopitiam
Weims - Weiming
Boons - Boon Seer
**Kind - a term used excessively to describe anything
**-ish - follows any word to describe anything. Eg. Muggerish.
I am not joking. The whole school speaks in tongues nowadays. Ever since Serene Ang (Angs) spread Serene-ish around school, SMU lingo has never been the same. You should count the number of times we use a Serene-ish in school. I interviewed resident Biz babes Cheryl Lees and Lamsish, and apparently Serene-ish came from CHIJ way before Serene made it happening (happs) in school. So now you know. And unfortunately it's here to stay. Lance-ish, this entry's for you. Sigh. ish. Kind.
This is how SMU students sound like:
A : "Eh lets go kops for dinns with Boons"
B : "Sorry Weims, got to mugs at the libs"
A : "That's damn unhapps kind. Just a quick one, we go eat noods"
B : "Yucksish, the kops noods where got nice"
A : "Better than the Kills one"
Kops - Kopitiam foodcourt
Dinns - dinner
Libs - library
Noods - noodles
Yucksish - yucky
Unhapps - unhappening
Kills - killiney kopitiam
Weims - Weiming
Boons - Boon Seer
**Kind - a term used excessively to describe anything
**-ish - follows any word to describe anything. Eg. Muggerish.
I am not joking. The whole school speaks in tongues nowadays. Ever since Serene Ang (Angs) spread Serene-ish around school, SMU lingo has never been the same. You should count the number of times we use a Serene-ish in school. I interviewed resident Biz babes Cheryl Lees and Lamsish, and apparently Serene-ish came from CHIJ way before Serene made it happening (happs) in school. So now you know. And unfortunately it's here to stay. Lance-ish, this entry's for you. Sigh. ish. Kind.
Fucking Bravery Kind
I spoke to Shaun over MSN. God its been awhile. I haven't talked to Shaun since AC days maybe. And it was good to hear from him. The last I heard of him was when he chose to study Physiotherapy at NTU or some poly. And I thought it took courage to do something like that so different. The rest of us were doing the safe thing by going to NUS or SMU to get boring degrees. But Shaun was different. He wanted to pursue his dream.
Well last night he told me this was his last week in school. After studying almost a year and a half of physiotherapy, he decided that it wasn't his thing. I was surprised at first. Of course, KY had mentioned it to me before, but to hear it from Shaun felt a little different. He said he wanted to transfer to SMU to study Accountancy. I bet everyone's first reaction would have been "what the hell Shaun?". But I think out of all the many people who don't know what the heck they want in life, here's one guy who knows what he wants to do.
All I can say for Shaun, is that I'm glad he tried something he really wanted to. It takes some fucking guts to go and do what you want to do. And it takes more fucking guts to try, and say HEY, I don't like this shit, and move on. I'm sure it wasn't easy for him to decide to quit physiotherapy after more than a year in school. But he still made the leap. How many of us can say we choose to do something for ourselves that required a drastic change? How many of us can say we chose happiness over something practical? Very few. And that's what I call fucking bravery.
I spoke to Shaun over MSN. God its been awhile. I haven't talked to Shaun since AC days maybe. And it was good to hear from him. The last I heard of him was when he chose to study Physiotherapy at NTU or some poly. And I thought it took courage to do something like that so different. The rest of us were doing the safe thing by going to NUS or SMU to get boring degrees. But Shaun was different. He wanted to pursue his dream.
Well last night he told me this was his last week in school. After studying almost a year and a half of physiotherapy, he decided that it wasn't his thing. I was surprised at first. Of course, KY had mentioned it to me before, but to hear it from Shaun felt a little different. He said he wanted to transfer to SMU to study Accountancy. I bet everyone's first reaction would have been "what the hell Shaun?". But I think out of all the many people who don't know what the heck they want in life, here's one guy who knows what he wants to do.
All I can say for Shaun, is that I'm glad he tried something he really wanted to. It takes some fucking guts to go and do what you want to do. And it takes more fucking guts to try, and say HEY, I don't like this shit, and move on. I'm sure it wasn't easy for him to decide to quit physiotherapy after more than a year in school. But he still made the leap. How many of us can say we choose to do something for ourselves that required a drastic change? How many of us can say we chose happiness over something practical? Very few. And that's what I call fucking bravery.
A Story
I watched the movie Big Fish today. I've watched it before, but watching it the second time reminded me of why it is one of my favourite movies till today. The story Big Fish revolves around a great story telling dad and his son Will. Will grows up to be a writer, and his father's illness reconciles them. Will tries to seek the truth behind his father's unimaginable stories, and realises that all along, he has always known the man behind the stories, and before his passing, finally sees his father as the amazing person he is.
Something in the film struck me. About how we never really appreciate what we love the most. A loved one is like a story. A story so unique that is like no other. But when we hear a story over and over, it gets tired. And we forget how amazing and beautiful the story is. We forget how we used to appreciate it. But then one day we don't hear the story anymore. We find something missing in us. And then we realise we miss it more than we know.
If only we could remember every story of our life. And imgaine we are hearing each story for the first time. And appreciate each one for how wonderful it is.
I find we often forget what people to mean to us. Especially the ones closest to us. The ones who are always thinking and worrying for us. The ones who care when everyone else has given up. The ones who are there when we need someone to confide in. We don't give them credit. For those who I care for the most, you each are my stories, and you mean everything to me.
The Disease Called Laziness
I learn something cool everyday in school. And one of them is the word "self-efficacy". The way you say it is "effikasy". And this maybe one of the most important psychological concepts I've learnt.
The textbook definition of self-efficacy is the extent to which you believe you have control of your destiny by mobilizing whatever resources you have to make something come true. In short, it means the extent to which you get off your lazy ass and get things done.
The opposite word of self-efficacy is laziness. And unfortunately, this word is more common than the one I introduced to you. People become lazy for various reasons. Sometimes its a combination of personality and situation. Some people are just born to be laid back. While others have encountered problems and mistakes in their lives that have led them to be discouraged. I have seen this too often. People who have screwed up before. But then have no discipline to pick themselves up from the ground and start again. Instead they become disillusioned and lazy. This leads them to do poorly in many areas of their life, and it starts a downward spiral. People low on self-efficacy don't make first moves, don't make the effort, don't aim for more and are happy with just skimming through and moving along quietly in life.
I was talking to Emilia about this. About this whole idea of self-efficacy. And we both agreed it has much to do with upbringing. I think both our parents have made sure we never take anything for granted. If we have opportunities to succeed in life, we were taught to take them. I think for many, they were never encouraged to try their best, to challenge themselves, to make the most out of their situations, and its sad to see that they are unable to get out of the cycle. It is definately true that some are born into more favourable situations than others, where some come from better backgrounds than others. But I think it is more important how you make use of what you have despite your situation that determines the true winner. We cannot change the situation we were born in, but we can definately try our best and work hard to do make a change for ourselves and our loved ones. I truly believe everyone is born to succeed to some extent. It is sad to say, some people don't make use of all the opportunities they have. All the more one should work harder if they feel they are not in an ideal situation. They rely on other people to guide, direct and persuade them to do good things for themselves. The danger is that sometimes, the most important decisions have to be made by ourselves when no one is around.
One of my closest friends is Soonkit. Despite having to work part-time in secondary school and JC, he managed to work hard enough to get into University and now he's studying engineering at NUS. My army friend Vincent has only secondary school education and a Shatec diploma but he's a chef at Chjimes today. These are just some of the people I know that have managed to excel despite of their backgrounds. And I am very proud of them. It's not propoganda, but Singapore is a highly meritocratic country, which means your opportunities are based on your performance and not your background. And my 2 friends here are testimony to this fact.
Self-efficacy isn't just about work. It affects other parts of our lives. Self-efficacy is about going out of your way to do something for people, believing you can make a difference in someone's life. It could be as small as keeping in touch with a friend, to trying to help someone out of a bad situation. Self-efficacy affects every part of our life. And so does laziness. I did a self-test during one of my psych classes, and I know I am high on self-efficacy. I used to think it meant being uptight. But I think I appreciate this quality more than I know. I see how me and my closest friends work hard to maximise our opportunities, and I feel more secure about the future. I know my bros Dz and St can understand me when I say we've got to do our best and seek new opportunities.
Laziness is a disease that strikes the weak. And unfortunately, only a person can help himself. I've tried to help friends to believe in themselves, but at the end of the day, in the long run, it really depends solely on the person himself. Despite fallbacks and screw-ups, a person must pick himself up and aim high. I believe that we can all make it too, no matter who we are or what our backgrounds are, if we begin to make a small change, one step at a time. And I wish we could all believe in ourselves.
I learn something cool everyday in school. And one of them is the word "self-efficacy". The way you say it is "effikasy". And this maybe one of the most important psychological concepts I've learnt.
The textbook definition of self-efficacy is the extent to which you believe you have control of your destiny by mobilizing whatever resources you have to make something come true. In short, it means the extent to which you get off your lazy ass and get things done.
The opposite word of self-efficacy is laziness. And unfortunately, this word is more common than the one I introduced to you. People become lazy for various reasons. Sometimes its a combination of personality and situation. Some people are just born to be laid back. While others have encountered problems and mistakes in their lives that have led them to be discouraged. I have seen this too often. People who have screwed up before. But then have no discipline to pick themselves up from the ground and start again. Instead they become disillusioned and lazy. This leads them to do poorly in many areas of their life, and it starts a downward spiral. People low on self-efficacy don't make first moves, don't make the effort, don't aim for more and are happy with just skimming through and moving along quietly in life.
I was talking to Emilia about this. About this whole idea of self-efficacy. And we both agreed it has much to do with upbringing. I think both our parents have made sure we never take anything for granted. If we have opportunities to succeed in life, we were taught to take them. I think for many, they were never encouraged to try their best, to challenge themselves, to make the most out of their situations, and its sad to see that they are unable to get out of the cycle. It is definately true that some are born into more favourable situations than others, where some come from better backgrounds than others. But I think it is more important how you make use of what you have despite your situation that determines the true winner. We cannot change the situation we were born in, but we can definately try our best and work hard to do make a change for ourselves and our loved ones. I truly believe everyone is born to succeed to some extent. It is sad to say, some people don't make use of all the opportunities they have. All the more one should work harder if they feel they are not in an ideal situation. They rely on other people to guide, direct and persuade them to do good things for themselves. The danger is that sometimes, the most important decisions have to be made by ourselves when no one is around.
One of my closest friends is Soonkit. Despite having to work part-time in secondary school and JC, he managed to work hard enough to get into University and now he's studying engineering at NUS. My army friend Vincent has only secondary school education and a Shatec diploma but he's a chef at Chjimes today. These are just some of the people I know that have managed to excel despite of their backgrounds. And I am very proud of them. It's not propoganda, but Singapore is a highly meritocratic country, which means your opportunities are based on your performance and not your background. And my 2 friends here are testimony to this fact.
Self-efficacy isn't just about work. It affects other parts of our lives. Self-efficacy is about going out of your way to do something for people, believing you can make a difference in someone's life. It could be as small as keeping in touch with a friend, to trying to help someone out of a bad situation. Self-efficacy affects every part of our life. And so does laziness. I did a self-test during one of my psych classes, and I know I am high on self-efficacy. I used to think it meant being uptight. But I think I appreciate this quality more than I know. I see how me and my closest friends work hard to maximise our opportunities, and I feel more secure about the future. I know my bros Dz and St can understand me when I say we've got to do our best and seek new opportunities.
Laziness is a disease that strikes the weak. And unfortunately, only a person can help himself. I've tried to help friends to believe in themselves, but at the end of the day, in the long run, it really depends solely on the person himself. Despite fallbacks and screw-ups, a person must pick himself up and aim high. I believe that we can all make it too, no matter who we are or what our backgrounds are, if we begin to make a small change, one step at a time. And I wish we could all believe in ourselves.
Of Sons And Fathers
Today I visited Selva at Mount Elizabeth hospital after school. Selva was my floor manager at the IMF / World Bank Conference, and just a few days ago, he became a father to a baby boy. It's wierd visiting a friend to see his new kid haha. You realise that you're getting older. As I looked at the quiet, sleeping baby, I realised how amazing this was. I really felt happy for Selva. To think this monkey of a guy was going to be a dad haha. Just seeing Selva and his kid really reminded me how amazing life is. I know he will make a great dad.
After Mount E, I took a cab down to Great World City where my dad was opening his new 2nd outlet. It's located at the checkout of Cold Storage. And it looks amazingly like our flagship outlet. It was funny seeing people stare at our ice cream and our sign like they had never seen it before. We have taken for granted the fact that everyone around Serene Centre knows about us haha. But it's cool. Our first shop started like that, and already on our first day we've had more sales than our opening day at the original shop.
I was thinking back of the times when we had the small shop at Serene Centre, when we were first starting out. When no one knew who we were. We have come such a long way. And you have no idea what our family has gone through to reach this stage. From my dad sufferring from a heart attack. To his recovery. To him quitting his job. To him setting up the shop. To him finally reaching this point. It's been tough on him. Seeing him at the new shop standing behind the counter made me more happy than you know. Before I left the shop, I hugged him and told him "I am very proud of you Bap". And even though I don't always say tell him so. I am more proud of him than he knows. Of how hard he has worked for his dream. Of how hard he has worked for us. My dad is testimony to the fact that if you love something, and you do your best to do it well, you can make it too. I am so proud you bap, and there is no son more proud of his father.
Not Looking Back
I always smile when I think back of the good old days. Those were some really good times we had. We didn't have a care in the world, and it seemed like they'd never end. Those were some really happy days don't you think? and I will always think back on them fondly. But to be honest. I don't miss them anymore.
There are times when I feel like saying hello to find out how things are going. But I stop because I don't think it makes a difference to you. Things have changed alot lately. There came a point where you got so caught up, that you forgot about the other important things in your life. So I guess things moved on. And I guess for the better. It's fair to say you took it for granted and you let things slide. And I wonder if the rest of the people around you felt the same way. At least I'm sure the people who truly care for you would have felt a drift.
I can only tell you this. I put in every effort I had. You know I did what I could. But there came a point where you just couldn't be bothered, and never made it easy. And for the first time ever, I gave up for real. It didn't happen overnight. It's just that you didn't care to notice. You didn't see I had hit a rough spot of my own. I guess I stopped trying because I knew it no longer mattered to you. And for once, I made a decision with my head. Things have changed alot in this time. All for the better. And since then, I haven't looked back.
One thing I know, is that there were once good times. And I will always think of those days as one of my best. But things have moved on. For now, I wish you all the best. And I hope you'll wish me luck too. Because I've found my solid ground. Friends who are there for me no matter what the circumstance. Bonds that are stronger and tighter than before. The days are long and happy. A place where I can grow and chase my dreams. And I hope one day you'll find it for yourself too. Despite the distance that has grown between us, even though things will never be the same, I will always be on your side.
I always smile when I think back of the good old days. Those were some really good times we had. We didn't have a care in the world, and it seemed like they'd never end. Those were some really happy days don't you think? and I will always think back on them fondly. But to be honest. I don't miss them anymore.
There are times when I feel like saying hello to find out how things are going. But I stop because I don't think it makes a difference to you. Things have changed alot lately. There came a point where you got so caught up, that you forgot about the other important things in your life. So I guess things moved on. And I guess for the better. It's fair to say you took it for granted and you let things slide. And I wonder if the rest of the people around you felt the same way. At least I'm sure the people who truly care for you would have felt a drift.
I can only tell you this. I put in every effort I had. You know I did what I could. But there came a point where you just couldn't be bothered, and never made it easy. And for the first time ever, I gave up for real. It didn't happen overnight. It's just that you didn't care to notice. You didn't see I had hit a rough spot of my own. I guess I stopped trying because I knew it no longer mattered to you. And for once, I made a decision with my head. Things have changed alot in this time. All for the better. And since then, I haven't looked back.
One thing I know, is that there were once good times. And I will always think of those days as one of my best. But things have moved on. For now, I wish you all the best. And I hope you'll wish me luck too. Because I've found my solid ground. Friends who are there for me no matter what the circumstance. Bonds that are stronger and tighter than before. The days are long and happy. A place where I can grow and chase my dreams. And I hope one day you'll find it for yourself too. Despite the distance that has grown between us, even though things will never be the same, I will always be on your side.
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