Between the 3 of us, our wardrobes can probably give an entire season of Zara a run for their money. Ok maybe not really. We have way more shoes.

One of the perks of having 2 brothers the same size as you means having 3 times the amount of shoes and clothes to wear. It's like your very own department store. Street style? Level 2 Mikey's room please. Beach prep? Level 2 David's room. Everything in between? Level 3 my room. That's not even talking about the shoes.

I hate talking about clothes usually because I think style is a very personal thing. In fact this is probably the first and last time I will ever put my thoughts down about the topic. I think fashion and style is a very sacred thing. So much so that talking about it really makes it lose some meaning. Like how people tend to over evaluate art. So shut up. For someone who loves clothes alot, I hardly talk about clothes. Its only when I'm with my brothers do we feel comfortable to debate the merits of cargo pants.

Style is one thing you can't be taught. You can cheat and copy, but nothing says style better than a person who truly dresses the way they feel like. Style is something innate, because even though me and my bros grew up in exactly the same conditions, we turned up with very different ideas about style. It came from ourselves.

Clothes aren't really important though. I bet if I had to burn all my clothes tomorrow I'd be ok. The trick is not to take fashion too seriously. Don't pay too much for anything. Dress exactly how you feel like. And just have some fun.

For me, for you - Ian

NOT THE ONLY FIERCE ONE

I met vincent for drinks today. At 930 my phone was buzzing and to my surprise his name was flashing. He asked me to join him for some drinks. Just like the old days, he dragged me to some ktv pub. I thought of all the times we used to go drinking and sing chinese ktv songs. I was coughing like shit though, and my rendition of David Tao's ai hen jian dan went up in flames for the crowd to hear.

Vincent is now the head chef at Monty's Bar at boat quay. I am very happy for him. Since we left the army we both promised ourselves we'd make it big. I told him how I've been working at citibank and pwc this holiday. "Eh you farking fierce ar you," he said with his usual pai kia voice. "Kan nee na you think you the only fierce one ar?" I replied. "cheebai you," he said. Then I got a big slap on the shouler with his huge hand. The good old army days reborn.

I feel a special kinship with Vincent. Not just "bros". A real brotherhood. We are so different and yet we're both the same. Vincent is a friend you can depend on for anything. He's never calculative with money. Never asks for favours. Always serves it up straight. Always tries his best. Always places great importance to his friends. And I know one day he'll make it big. Talking with him sometimes feels like looking into a mirror. Not entirely, but similar in the ways that are important. And seeing him do well is like feeling like I have succeeded as well. It's hard to describe.

Vincent is a person that really treasures his friendship. He's a person that would probably die for any one of his friends. I can't say the same about alot of people I know. I've only seen him a couple of times since army ended, but every time we meet it's like no time has passed. And everytime we do so we're all get one step closer to our dream. Watching out for each other so that we know we're on track. Vincent talks the talk. But he also walks the walk. And that's a shit lot of walking for the amount of talking. No pretence. No airs. No politically correct. It's fries with no salt. Vincent is no bullshit friend. He's the fucking real deal.

Vincent is a real special guy. A real one-of-a-kind original. He can be such a monkey sometimes, but he has values like a monk, determination like a warrior and a special charisma about him. He's not a friend. He's a real brother. But hey Vincent knn you think you the only fierce one ar?

SMU is a school that really throws you into the real world whether you fucking like it or not. Project work, presentations, class participation, community service and internships. Compulsory.

Coupled with seminars and overseas trips and career talks, you are force fed with everything you need to get you ready. It's like the moment you're in, they're preparing to send you out.

It's not even halfway into my time at SMU and I already feel like I'm ready to step out. It's so wierd. It's only last term did everyone suddenly turn serious and begin to take their career plans so seriously. And it's great to be in a panic so early, because it gets the whole OH MY WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH MY LIFE part over and done with alot earlier.

You know sometimes talking about work can irritate the shit out of myself but I think it's alot better talking about it now and making the right decisions now so after that we can relax and don't have to to talk about it after its been sorted out. I look at the seniors who nabbed the best jobs. They barely talk about work. That's the way to go padre.

Something serious to consider for us all is a looming recession just on the horizon. Most predict 2010. What makes me damn fortunate is that we're going to graduate before we all have our hugging-liv-tyler-flying-to-space-to-blow-up-asteroid-Armageddon moment. So hopefully none of us have to worry about this. Word of caution for those who are graduating in 2010-12.

On a less serious note pheebs is enjoying her time in HK. Lucky5million. I guess so am I. Just less the fact that I'm not at the shopping epicentre of asia. Gross. Dz must also be having fun in Dubai. Lucky6million. I wonder how nice the burj looks in real life. Eric at mediacorp. Cheryl at the media authority. Del is now at Exxonmobs which is great because I hear its a very we-are-family-I've-got-all-my-sisters-with-me kind of company. It's very nice to see your friends doing well all over the place. Even if it's on jurong island hahaha.

What I really enjoy seeing is people doing the things they want to do the most. Like when I heard sean was going to art school, I felt really happy for him. I've been lucky to have a few chances to give my friends a little push towards doing something they want to do. Sometimes giving your friends a little nudge is all it takes for them to look at something differently.

When I see someone with talent doing well in what he or she does best it's really amazing. I don't think I'll ever have the chance to pursue something in art or fashion or design for now, but it's not about doing something you're the best at. It's about doing something that will make you happy. And that could be anything that you might even be bad at! It just makes me happy to see people do things they really want to do.

After thinking about what I want to do for some time, I've come to realise what's important to me. More than doing something I like, is doing something that is stable, pays well for my family, and something I can say I'm proud of doing. And that more than makes me happy.

Chloe is thinking of singing after school ends so I've asked her to come sing at the shop. I've asked my dad about it and he was readily ok with the idea. My dad loves music and he was all set to start a music night at Island Creamery. I actually just sent in my chinese demo tape to Uncle Keng Long who is wang li hom's music producer, and I did a funny track just for him to hear. Hope he has a good laugh, and maybe you too.

demo

A big theme in my life is friends. And probably because I make a commitment to my friends, they become alot more important. Unfortunately, life is more than just about friends. It's about school, work, leisure, love, family and even just personal time, so it occupies a small fraction of the pie.

So as it is, if you do the math, the time that's left with your frends are, well, pretty precious. And recently it's been especially difficult trying to make the time to meet up.

I've always been the organizer type. It's just me. I'll probably call everyone and find out their schedules to meet up. So I've resigned myself to the fact that some people are more than happy to arrange, while others are more than happy to just show up.

What annoys me most are the people who are friends out of convenience. These friends hang out with you in school when no arrangements are required. When it's convenient for them. Of course you don't know it then, but unfortunately, these friends disappear out of sight once school ends. They go, "Yeah we'll meet up soon yeah." But then you probably don't hear from them much. And even when you do, they're abit blah. They're quick to tell you if they're busy. After all, it doesn't really matter to them. The kind of friends that you know what they're up to, but in return they know nothing about how you're doing.

Life only get's busier and more complicated. And eventually it's your real friends who make the effort to say hi or to meet up. It's not about who arranges, because some people just don't like to do that, it's about everyone making the effort to come together to catch up. And even if we're all busy, it's nice to chat over the phone and see how your friends are doing.

This holiday has been a good time for me to re-evaluate some of my relationships with people. It's when everyone is busy then you really realise who really cares. And the people who matter. I am grateful for all the good times that I have hanging out with my closest friends. People who I know will be there for me even when life goes up and down.

For someone who values his friends so much, I think it's important to be with the people that invest as much effort into their friendship as you. And it becomes a real waste investing your time in the friends that are going to fade away once things get busy. So if you're reading, I ask you to think about the people who treasure your time the most, who are keen to know how you're doing, who make the effort, who are always watching your back and hoping the best for you. Because those are the friends that matter the most.

(Un)Fortunately it's been one of those stay home saturdays. I guess I had lunch at Sun with Moon so it's not really counted.

Had time to sit down in front of my laptop and tidy up a new resume I've been working on. This one has absolutely no trace of fun on it. No tangs, no marriott, no advertising. It's like the marketing bit never existed.

On fri I went to the economic seminar at the ritz that was organized by our investment banking department. I asked my boss if I could attend and he asked me to come along and sit in. In 1 hour our top economics head summed up the forecast for the Asian markets in the next 6 months and I was quite impressed.

Surpringly he spoke in human english and I totally enjoyed the seminar. He made it simple so that the clients invited could also understand without using the annoying citilingo that abreviates everything. I was busy circling and writing notes into the nice graphs they distributed for us to refer to.

Recently I've been speculating when the next recession will be coming. Every day the papers display news of record prices of property and there are so many advertisments for condos and luxury bungalows. But apprently, the economic forecast shows no sign of a slowdown well at least till after 2008. What they said was that the US labour market is booming and cushioning the impact of the housing slum in the US. The European and Asian markets are also decoupling from the US, which means the shit that the US flings affects us less.

The papers reported today that graduates are having a field day because the job market is excellent. Excellent! The question is for how long?

It's scary. Because in 2 years time when we graduate, there's no damn telling what could happen in the job market. And initially I was thinking of taking 3 years, but I am less willing to take that risk now that I forsee a big recession on the horizon.

Because my last summer is coming, I've decided to take up more modules this term to pull up my GPA. Initially I was all set to work this term, but I think it's not a practical idea because this is our last term to pull up our gpa before we apply for our final summer.

It seriously feels like every step of the next 2 years is going to have to be one well crafted plan. I just think it will be sad when this frenzy is over and we really hit the real world.

Work has been good this week, ironically for the fact that there actually was work to do. The monetary authority of singapore runs checks and I've been helping my boss tidy up our paperwork and prepare documents to show that the correct procedures have been put in place. When I scanned through our client list I then realised how big our accounts really are. That kinda put things into perspective and reminded me that I have a bit part in putting on a big citi show. Our department only has a bunchful of managers but they handle all the biggest accounts in the bank. And in between snacking on chocolate or chittish chattish with the other interns it's easy to forget.

It's especially now that I'm thinking what I can do when I graduate. In some ways I'm very grateful. I'm getting a quarterlife (non) crisis even before the halfway mark of school. It's like art vs money back and forth non-stop. I am pretty mixed up about what I want to do and I'm just happy I get to figure it out during the holidays. I am even happier thinking about my 2 module work week. How fucking awesome is that.

Now the hard part comes figuring out what I'm going to do when school starts. Or more like when work ends. It's either part time at the bank or part time advertising so I have to pick soon. Whatever it is I am so looking forward to seeing my friends when school starts.

I wish school was 4 years worth of internships. I can tell you everything you learn in school goes in the dustbin. Well at least a good part of it. And ok except your accounting courses. Do your best to get good grades, but try not to take the stuff you learn in school too seriously. Except maybe your strategy class. The best way to find out if you love doing something is just to get up from your ass and go try it.

I Will Remember You - Ian

Today we went out for family lunch and we were talking about Mike doing interior design. He's always been great with style and I had this random idea that he should get into it. I've always had a knack for design but interior design is something I can't do. Mikey, on the other hand, has always had an eye for furnishing and details.

David is also going to las vegas to study hospitality. Something he's really wanted to do. Then I just thought about it and I was thinking so now WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING ABOUT WHAT I WANT TO DO. I've played the finance thing enough to slap on my resume, but now I need to go out and do something I'm good at. Art or advertising or marketing or just anything creative.

I jokingly told bap that I should quit school and study art. Predictably he just shrugged his shoulders and said yeah why not. I didn't really mean it but I think Bap was ready for the worst. I am very grateful that my parents have been behind me in everything I do.

So this term I cannot wait. Hopefully I can start work part time at an ad agency or a marketing department. I really have to start planning the next 3 years of my school life so I can gather enough experience to say that I am ready for advertising or marketing.

I am thinking of the NYU summer course in marketing. Parson's at NYC / Paris also has a design and management course that I am very interested in. I am also thinking of taking oil painting and volunteering at the museum next to school. This coming term looks like my break-out summer and I can't wait.

At work people tend to try to size up who you are and where you come from so that they know if you are either: 1) a threat 2) potentially useful to them 3) neither.

I think it's just part of growing up that we begin to look at people the same way. As far as we don't want to, we evaluate people subconsciously. I think it's just human nature to do so, and it's something we can't control. What we can control is how we deal with these evaluations.

Twice this month I was asked out of the blue, "do you stay on landed property?" I mean who the fuck do you think you are to ask me that.

It is sad that people should base your evaluations on how big your house is or what your parents do.

I love talking to people and I am interested to know about them, but there are instances where I hold back because I feel that certain questions are not appropriate or just politically incorrect, as much as my intentions are genuine.

Today I missed work because I wasn't feeling so good. So instead of doing a great deal of nothing, I went to get signed up for the bloomberg terminal at the national library and I also went to the school library to take a look at the CFA books, and lo and behold, the curriculum was best summed up by the word "omfg".

Life flashing before me in various shades of sepia, I just almost wanted to die. In half an hour I glanced through the finance material and envisioned what my life would be like over the next few months. And it wasn't a pretty sight. It didn't scare me, it fucking scared me.

Over the last few months I've made a great deal of effort in dipping my foot into the pool of the finance world. On one hand I think I've done reasonably well in my work, but on the other hand there is a nagging thought that won't go away.

Do you remember how you think you were born to do something when you were young? Maybe a teacher, lawyer, doctor, astronaut. Being a banker was not on my list. But being an artist was.

Numbers don't make sense to me. Ratios and graphs are even less enticing. But if you show me a picture I can tell you if it's ugly or not. I can draw a circle freehand. I can match colors and shades. I can write poems, stories and songs. I can match an outfit for you. I can help you check your grammer. I can think of ideas.

Unfortunately artists don't make money. But think of something practical like marketing and that's something great.

The problem with marketing is that it looks like a second class job next to something like banking at a school like SMU when of course it isn't. As I've said before, the problem with SMU is that it's all about finance. And so everything else looks abit blah next to the word "bank". I'll be quick to admit that I am a sucker for achievement. Prestige and respect is important to me. So in the context of SMU, I've been lured into finance for those reasons. Also, alot of people I know are in the finance world, so alot of opportunities come easily, and it's hard to pass up.

Of course it's nice to say that you're working in a bank. It's even nicer when your position ends with a banker. But at the end of the day, who really gives a shit. The whole point is to do something you're really good at, and fucking excel and beat the shit out of everyone at what you're doing.

There is no way I can be a fantastic banker. If you put 30 people in a room and test them on maths and finance, I'll probably be in the bottom half. But if you test the same 30 people on art, design, fashion or language, I could probably give most of the 30 guys a run for their money. And if it comes to career in doing something like that, I'd probably make peanuts in th beginning but be able to grow in the long run.

After doing a whole summer of finance work, I'm just glad to say that wherever my career leads me, I'd have made a calculated guess. There's no doubt it's between banking or marketing. But this coming term I am ditching finance to work on art and the things I am naturally better at.

Mark is one of the people I admire. He knows he doesn't want to do finance so he's sticking with marketing and corporate communications. He doesn't need to follow the crowd just cuz he's in smu. People like Jonathan are going berkeley to study music. Sean is doing art.

If you're reading this, I hope you've had the time to discover what you really enjoy doing. I just think it's important to do something you're good at so you'll always come to the office (or not) knowing that you're doing what you do best. And it's most important because you don't want to be doing something you suck at for what 30 years or more? And I'm not sure, but I think that spells happiness and hopefully success in the long run. And even if you haven't, I challenge you to find out what you're good at.

Today I had such a good time. I met ambrose and Jaz at Weims and Steve's event to watch Mark play with his band. Later we rushed down to Lee's party at the wine company and it was really nice. It was so great to see so many of my school friends. Lees, lams, poh, bert, angs, weims, boons, shaun, isaac, mark and company.

My god, felt so good to be reminded of the people I love the most. After working continuously since school started, it's been such a while since I've been able to catch up with some of my pals, esp my bros like st and wm, tots long lost to the max. Dun care next week confirm must go out.

It's been great working and whatever. But this is what life is for at the end of the day. To really enjoy each others company and have a good time.

One thing that citibank has taught me is to grow up.

From the sillies and heeheehahas of pricewaterhouse coopers, it's been a serious change. I still remember my first day at Citi in the lift when I saw everyone wearing a stern face.

3 weeks later with a new wardrobe and a well practiced pokerface, I finally feel like I blend in.

Today we had a department dinner at my boss's place. Alfred just moved in and he kindly invited us into his home. The house was beautiful. It was a 4 storey place at duchess. Everything was a shade of silver or white. Even the mercedes. I guess Alfred must have worked hard the last couple of years.

Alfred's wife Rachael was quick to say they till had some Island Creamery ice cream left in the fridge and I promplty thanked them for contributing to my college fund. He then introduced us to his daughters, both in sc now. And then standing on the balconey overlooking the pool, I realised that Alfred was a lucky guy. Not the pool I mean. Ok maybe the pool. But I meant what a life. And what more can you ask for.

In the company of the managers and the other staff, we had a great dinner over Joanna's choice of catering. I enjoy talking to the managers because they come from all over and they bring a fresh perspective to the conversation. Sometimes the managers find it hard to talk to anyone else because they come from so diverse backgrounds. From Bangladesh, mumbai, japan, san fran to khazakstan ( I know what you're thinking), they have very different stories to tell.

Personally, I love talking to the managers even though they're alot older. I find I get along with them very well. They aren't people from country x or country y, they're global citizens, and I identify with that in many ways. I started talking with Daizaburo-san about my last trip to tokyo and he recommended a few authentic japanese places to eat in Singapore. Assem was sharing with me about her 7 years in New York and I asked her of some places to visit when I go next summer. Abed was telling us the whole india vs bangladesh thing. Rachael was telling me of how her daughters are enjoying school at scgs.

I didn't have to talk about school. Didn't have to say what I was studying. Didn't have to say when I was going to graduate. When you stop seeing yourself as a kid, people also take cue and realise that there is alot more to you than just your age.

Normally when people first talk to you as an intern, they talk about the usual things. But when you converse beyond the scope of a small kid, and when you show that you know where they are coming from, they immediately let you into their world and they being to see you as an equal. It amazes me how much people can have in common although we come from different worlds. And I guess at this age we are beginning to grow up to the point where we can identify with people beyond age, race or religion.

Nothing short of a nerve-wracking experience, I was invited for a lunch with a small group of managers and partners with my former employers at pwc, and that was the ultimate test of holding my own. And when the head of auditing sat down with us, you could see the managers turn into mice. I have learnt that the best way to handle such situations is to firstly just be yourself and be sincere in your conversation, and to share your distinct knowledge with other people. And people will see you for your maturity and self-confidence.

From a practical standpoint, the many social events at Citibank have thrown me in the deep end of the pool and have honed my ability to connect with people of any background. And not only that, but have given me the confidence to be me myself even when others are not. To be self-assured and professional in any circumstance.

If there is one thing that citibank has taught me, it is to grow up.

It's the time of the year when course bidding is the new hot topic of discussion. In a few days we're supposed to bid for our modules this coming term and everyone is slowly but surely beginning to think about school again.

I have to make a decision between doing the normal school thing, or doing my CFA level 1 this coming december, which means I will be taking 1 or 2 normal modules, but doing self-study on top of that to study for the CFA exam.

CFA stands for chartered financial anaylst which also stands for "fucking difficult". The pass rates on this baby is 38%, meaning it's one nice line in my resume, or a wasted school term. But it's beyond just a risky qualification, it's a crash course on the most important financial concepts, and the knowledge alone is probably worth the pain.

Unfortunately, this self-inflicted pain costs about $1500 not including the books. All six of them. And I might be thinking of going for CFA lessons, which are another $3000 for lessons, notes, mock exams, quizes and what not. Damn. But I consider this an investment for my future, a return that no fund can beat. Which is why I'm glad I'm earning my keep this summer, and my fat citibank paycheque will probably be burnt on paying for my school fees at ktc kaplan.

This is a huge risk. But one of the fundamentals of investing is high risk, high returns. And the risk is managed if I promise to work my ass off. And I that I can do.

But finance might not be my thing, and another fundamental to investing is never put your eggs in one basket. One basket for finance, and another basket for marketing. That's why I hope I can help my mom's friend who works at one of the oldest auction houses called Sotheby's. They only have 2 big auctions in one year which is the south-east asian art auction this coming september. I love art and I love auctions, and I will be glad to help out for the auction.

I don't think it's marketing per se, but it's art and I love art. Hopefully it will be a foot in the door for the luxury goods marketing industry, something I am really interested in.

You know that's your friend when,

they somehow know how you're doing,
they ask how your day was,
they don't ask for anything other than your friendship,
they make time to meet and catch up,
they are waiting to tell you how they have been,
they surprise you with a random hello.

This holiday has been good because it's been a bite size dose of growing up. And when everyone get's busy, you begin to realise the friends that will always try and be there for you. You can do all you can to try and nurture a waning friendship, but the real friendship is effortless and doesn't require too much thought. The funny thing is that you don't realise who your real friends are until the rest have disappeared into the background.

This holiday I've got to appreciate the company of friends who I've never fully appreciated. And when school starts I am so looking forward to seeing these friends.

So it was 10am in the office and Joanna said I might have to help her set up a dinner function before I knock off. Sigh2000. Before the day had started I found out that it would be ending a little later than usual. Boss and the managers were having a conference with the head of global corp banking so it was important. What I didn't know was that dinner was at China Club.

I first heard of china club in tatler or expat magazine. It's a members only private club on the 52nd floor of Capitol Towers. They have a lounge, a restaurant and seminar rooms which have an amzing view. Or so I heard. Who would pay thousands of dollars for this?

When I got out of the taxi with Joanna, the first thing I realised was how much nicer their lobby is. The jpmorgan and capitaland logos were plastered on the wall for us to see. We took 2 connecting lifts to the 52nd floor and when the lift doors opened I was amazed.

It felt like I had stepped into a different world.

The hallway was painted with intricate chinese patterns from floor to ceiling. There were antique rosewood partitions with beautiful carvings, separating the space into intimate sections. There were mirrored walkways and painted silk screens that hung from the ceiling high above. As I walked towards the end of the hallway, I was greeted by the reception, and my gaze was fixed to the amazing view of the city. At 52 feet, the view was so amazing. I have never seen Singapore like this before. For once, it didn't look like a city, it looked like an island.

With floor to ceiling glass panels that were 3 storeys high, it felt like the floor was suspended in the middle of the sky.

It was hard not to be distracted by the view as I set up the namecards with Joanna. The guests invited were our clients, the head treasurers of companies like agilent, siemens, apple, motorola and some other names I couldn't rmbr. They were the people that made the money decisions. Who give us business. In short. Don't mess up. It was an intimate setting with 3 tables only, and by nightfall the beautiful view of the city had turned into a dazzling light display.

Joanna insisted I have dinner, and I did not refuse! I had to watch the reception area so I insisted on having dinner by the reception. So thanks to Mr Jonathan Woon of Apple, who forgot about dinner, I had a 12 course dinner overlooking the city skyline.

The food was great. And it better be for $100+++. The cutlery was beautiful, the food was excellent, and I felt like I was eating in the set of a movie. It was like old Shanghai in the 20's, except in mid-air. And the whole time I was watching the view, savouring the food, and thinking, FUCK this is not happenening.

But it was. And as far as I wanted to reach out into my pocket and make a complete ass of myself by taking a photo of the view, I decided to take a mental picture instead. As I had time to relish the view, appreciate the artwork of the decor and just enjoy a quiet dinner, I kinda thought about all the things that have happened the last few months.

Posh restaurant? Who cares. Nice club? I don't really give a damn. But most importantly whatever I got, I worked hard for it.

The fancy things in life don't matter. But I'd like to think that the ultimate luxury is having everything and knowing that only the important things really matter. Now that's luxury.