Today was just another day at work. I had my big clunky Koss earphones on my way to work. My songlist was:

way back into love - hugh grant and haley bennet
ode to family - the cranberries
stars - the cranberries
just my imagination - the cranberries
sugar baby love - the rubettes
...

Because I change my music alot, sometimes I find I can tell how I'm feeling by looking at the songs that are on my music player. And listening to my music today, I realised something. It's one of those days when you think that the music you're playing is the soundtrack to your life, and that the sun is shining just a little brighter just for you. My life isn't perfect, and I bet that there are many things that are still missing from it. But at this point. I'm just happy to say that, well, I'm happy. I think that now that I'm enjoying life so much, I'm ready, and I've made space for the things that are still missing in it.

2 years ago at this time, I wasn't happy. This was before school started. Who knows whether you could call it depression. I think we all go through phases of losing ourselves and our strength. And that was my time. I think no one knew I was so sad. And my friends back then didn't really fully realise it. It's hard to go through something when no one really knows. But I told myself to fucking snap out of it. fucking. And I can tell you that's the hardest part, but once its over. It's over. It wasn't overnight, but it happened when I began to believe in myself.

If I could go back in time and see myself 2 years ago, I don't think I would believe how much I've changed. I still eat chips. Pepsi is still my favourite. Lenny Kravitz is still awesome. But life looks so much different. I'd probably give myself a hug and tell myself that somehow things would be ok, and not just ok, but great. Today, I can't imagine being as sad as I was. But I know that I've grown alot, enough to look back honestly and think "my god I cannot believe that was me, but yeah it was." And isn't that something to be proud of?

So if you're down. If life hasn't been kind. If you've lost your way abit. I hope you'll hold on. Don't take any easy way out. And hopefully soon enough, you'll be able to be on your two feet again.