Today I met up with begaberic at Holland V Xstal Jade La Mian XLB. I opted for the healthier choice of having a beancurd skin noodle with beans.

After lunch I went to GNC because Eric had 35% off. The last few weeks I haven't been eating well. Been sleeping late. Been working. And it shows. I've been feeling sluggish and bloated. The last couple of days I haven't been very well either. Running nose. Light fever. So with that in mind, I went to get some supplements:

1. A multi-herb detox and fiber blend:
Supposed to stimulate the release of toxins from the skin, lymphatic system, bowels, kidneys and lungs

2. A cardiovascular supplement:
Contains Coenzyme Q10 which prevents heart disease, improves circulation and brain activity

3. A lactobacilus acidophilus pill:
Contains billons of yakult bacteria. They maintain intestinal flora and keep the digestive system clean.

After taking them at Eric's house I feel a little high (or just placebo effect / or just happy to see eric/gabe/ben) but I'm a fucking skeptic of such things so something must be doing something. Let's see how it goes.

Ok so in total I got rejected 3 times by the business school. But now Professor Francis Koh, vice-dean or something, said that if I like I could come and see him this Friday morning. The trick in his carefully chosen words strategically suggests that coming to see him will not affect the decision that the deanery has made although coming to see him might be helpful to me. Whatever. Last chance.

The school of business is not taking appeals for transfer. And I've just about had it with appeals. I missed the gpa cutoff by 0.05 and I have to fucking beg to be considered as a business student. No interview. No resume necessary. No recommendation letter required. Your appeal has been rejected.

I am determined. But listen up sob. There's a fucking fine line between maintaining high student standards and being a shit stick to your own students. I'm not asking for a scholarship. I don't want your damn money. I'm not asking for a second degree or honors. All I wanted to do was to study something I love.

Its kinda fucked up that the top 4 business school in the US would spend time with me for a phone interview when my own business school doesn't give a shit. I have no idea how my US applications will turn out, but one thing is for sure. And that is I'd rather eat shit than beg. SMU means business. But so do I.

The road looks uphill for a social science student with a love for business. But I've come to realise that I've made many opportunities for myself. And I'm going to fucking make it, with or without a "Singapore Management University - Bachelors of Business Management" title below my name.

Was a great friday. Did auditing for one of the banks and spotted a million mistakes in the final draft of my team's final report. Proud3000. Begged the manager to give me more bank jobs. Spotted Nintendo in the dividends report. Botak Jones with the Alisters. Ju On after. Puke burgers.

Was a great saturday. SLEPT.

Was a great Sunday. Woke up late. Family lunch at Viv cits. Sergeant chicken rice. 60% off at Crocodile. New polo t. Lazy afternoon at the pool. Nice music. Spaghetti for dinner. Hair cut. Golf with weimseer. Maggi for supper.

Awes poss sundays. Work doesn't really feel much like work anymore. New client tmrw but no big deal. Acting used to audit already. TGIVesak-day-on-thursday-so-lunchish-with-gaberenic! Yay2000.

Over the dining table we sometimes talk about serious things. Like for example how big our mansions will be when we grow up. What car our chauffers will be driving. And other important details. We happened to be talking about hot wives tonight. "Nick Cannon married Selita Ebanks," I said to mike. "Lucky shit." "Who's that?" he asked. "The hot black victoria's secret model," I replied. "OH."

Silence. And then Bap said, "Aiyah, after you have sex with a hot girl a few times there's no attraction after that if that's all she has."

Silence.

ROFL under the dining table.

Ok Bap. Thanks for Life 101. Unabridged version.

There are very few singers like Sarah Maclachlan. When I first heard this song I couldn't believe that anyone could have a voice this beautiful. I must have been in sec 1 or 2, but till today, this is still one of my favourite songs.

Angel - Ian

This weekend I bought a copy of the Robb Report magazine. It's a luxury lifestyle magazine that features the best in luxury travel, watches, cars, boats and real estate. Almost nothing in the magazine costs less than a couple of grand. US. It was a special issue so they were only featuring the best of the best.

http://www.robbreport.com

If there's any kind of lifestyle to aspire to live up to. It's in the pages of this magazine. I was reading this magazine in bed, looking through the multi million dollar ranches and gated residences thinking, "shit, I wouldn't mind a house like that". There was this US$6,000,000 ranch that was located in wyoming on a prairie at the foot of hugeass brokeback mountains. Really reminded me of Canada.

What came to mind is our goals in life. It's the ever lingering question to ask whenever you're stoning out and getting emo at 2am with some friend while the radio is playing some crappy rock ballad from the 80's.

The text book answer is "I want to be happy". And the politically correct way of replying to that is "wow, yeah me too". But the real reply should be, "yeah thats great, but so what then?"

Love and happiness are almost the most important things in one's life. If not the most important. It lets us wake up and go to sleep at ease, and at peace. It would be amazing to be happy all the time, but what then? It's almost like saying now that I'm rich I will *blank*. It's a personal opinion that happiness shouldn't be the sole goal in ones life. The problem with happiness is that it can come anytme if we choose to let it come. If we look hard enough, we can find it.

I think it should be a given that everyone wants to be happy. Wouldn't you agree? Or at least some variation of the word to a certain extent. But then we shouldn't we have another goal. Something other than happiness. A more specific goal that extends the meaning of our happiness. Something, that in combination with happiness, makes us more successful than being a happy person.

Happy with friends?
Happy playing soccer?
Happy and rich?
Happy selling ice cream?
Happy with my family?

I'll be honest. Happiness is easy to find. But the real challenge comes in achieving our dreams and being happy. The thought is daunting like shit. But honestly, what's the challenge in just being happy.

AND ALL THE OTHER F WORDS


The best weekends are the nothing much kind of weekends. Played golf with dzeve at Orchid Country Club. Was so fun. There are a hundred golf lanes at the driving range and its double story. Fucking fun. Thinking of going there tomorrow to play. Watched Blades of Glory with Knut today. Fucking funny.

Next week is busy busy japaneesy. New client so its back to square 1. My appeal for reservice deferment got rejected which means I have to appeal. Yet again for another rejection. What I don't fucking understand is why my unit fucking doesn't let me complete my internship with PWC. God its not like I'm cancelling my bloody NS liability. Don't these doofbags know how hard it is to get a damn internship. Going to call in one more time to explain my situation. And then if they don't understand english, I'm going to write to my MP and we'll see if they can understand his handwriting instead. And if they don't, I'm just very glad Dr Balakrishnan is staying just down the road from me.

The last few weeks have been quite a ride. So many e-mails, applications, rejections, appeals, acceptances and queries. Despite the partial fuckyness, I think more than ever, I'm really enjoying life, and friends, and family and all the other f words like french fries, freshly squeezed orange juice, and friday night golf. And amen to that.

I wasn't going to write tonight cuz there isn't much to write about. Well, except this

http://www.carmex-kiss.de/index.php?meintanz=402891359768

Up till weims sent me that, I was having a good day. Super long puke blood wanna die day at the office and ended late. K la act puke blood but I really enjoy the work. Rushed to meet the rest of my intern friends Lin Ting, Bridgette and Lionel for dinner at cafs carts at raff cits.Was great to unwind with friends after a long day of work. I think LT was most shocked that I'm still alive at PWC and she almost burst out laughing when she saw me rushing into the restaurant with a thick stack of files and my 100kg IBM sling bag. Lovesit the company.

http://www.carmex-kiss.de/index.php?meintanz=403302379183

http://www.carmex-kiss.de/index.php?meintanz=403920623198

http://www.carmex-kiss.de/index.php?meintanz=404190211750

DAMN TIRED. Has nothing to do with work cuz actually alls good at the office. For the next few days, I have a job at Jurong with a client who does who-knows-what. I hope the rest of the team will be as nice as my current team.

Falling sick. Been drinking Yeo's-ish drinks the past week which apparently fights the "heatiness", not like thats going to help later when we do some majory artery damage at Brewerkz with the Alisters (Pohleeweimseerangbert)for dinner.

Had lunch with Jaktim and Gabe today at wham burger. Gabe's 2nd day at EY today. HANG IN THERE. I promise you if I can do it, I'm quite damn sure you can. A whole bunch of new interns today at pdubs. You can tell they're interns because they clusterfuck in groups of 20 and the girls all complain their feet have blisters.

DAMN SLEEPY DAMMIT. 2 more hours. Just 2 more... Calamari, buffalo wings, nachos and beer I'm coming!!

Today was just another day at work. I had my big clunky Koss earphones on my way to work. My songlist was:

way back into love - hugh grant and haley bennet
ode to family - the cranberries
stars - the cranberries
just my imagination - the cranberries
sugar baby love - the rubettes
...

Because I change my music alot, sometimes I find I can tell how I'm feeling by looking at the songs that are on my music player. And listening to my music today, I realised something. It's one of those days when you think that the music you're playing is the soundtrack to your life, and that the sun is shining just a little brighter just for you. My life isn't perfect, and I bet that there are many things that are still missing from it. But at this point. I'm just happy to say that, well, I'm happy. I think that now that I'm enjoying life so much, I'm ready, and I've made space for the things that are still missing in it.

2 years ago at this time, I wasn't happy. This was before school started. Who knows whether you could call it depression. I think we all go through phases of losing ourselves and our strength. And that was my time. I think no one knew I was so sad. And my friends back then didn't really fully realise it. It's hard to go through something when no one really knows. But I told myself to fucking snap out of it. fucking. And I can tell you that's the hardest part, but once its over. It's over. It wasn't overnight, but it happened when I began to believe in myself.

If I could go back in time and see myself 2 years ago, I don't think I would believe how much I've changed. I still eat chips. Pepsi is still my favourite. Lenny Kravitz is still awesome. But life looks so much different. I'd probably give myself a hug and tell myself that somehow things would be ok, and not just ok, but great. Today, I can't imagine being as sad as I was. But I know that I've grown alot, enough to look back honestly and think "my god I cannot believe that was me, but yeah it was." And isn't that something to be proud of?

So if you're down. If life hasn't been kind. If you've lost your way abit. I hope you'll hold on. Don't take any easy way out. And hopefully soon enough, you'll be able to be on your two feet again. And maybe you'll have your moment. Just an ordinary day. Standing at a mrt station on your way to work one morning. When you realise you must be be one of the happiest people in world.

Today was just another day at work. I had my big clunky Koss earphones on my way to work. My songlist was:

way back into love - hugh grant and haley bennet
ode to family - the cranberries
stars - the cranberries
just my imagination - the cranberries
sugar baby love - the rubettes
...

Because I change my music alot, sometimes I find I can tell how I'm feeling by looking at the songs that are on my music player. And listening to my music today, I realised something. It's one of those days when you think that the music you're playing is the soundtrack to your life, and that the sun is shining just a little brighter just for you. My life isn't perfect, and I bet that there are many things that are still missing from it. But at this point. I'm just happy to say that, well, I'm happy. I think that now that I'm enjoying life so much, I'm ready, and I've made space for the things that are still missing in it.

2 years ago at this time, I wasn't happy. This was before school started. Who knows whether you could call it depression. I think we all go through phases of losing ourselves and our strength. And that was my time. I think no one knew I was so sad. And my friends back then didn't really fully realise it. It's hard to go through something when no one really knows. But I told myself to fucking snap out of it. fucking. And I can tell you that's the hardest part, but once its over. It's over. It wasn't overnight, but it happened when I began to believe in myself.

If I could go back in time and see myself 2 years ago, I don't think I would believe how much I've changed. I still eat chips. Pepsi is still my favourite. Lenny Kravitz is still awesome. But life looks so much different. I'd probably give myself a hug and tell myself that somehow things would be ok, and not just ok, but great. Today, I can't imagine being as sad as I was. But I know that I've grown alot, enough to look back honestly and think "my god I cannot believe that was me, but yeah it was." And isn't that something to be proud of?

So if you're down. If life hasn't been kind. If you've lost your way abit. I hope you'll hold on. Don't take any easy way out. And hopefully soon enough, you'll be able to be on your two feet again.

Elton John has a great way with the piano. The trick to his kinda music is beautiful lyrics, a simple, soulful piano tune, and a bright voice. This song is a tribute to the classic Elton.

Lemon Drops (Hey You) - Ian

SOS

I'm a little tired. A little burnt out. The last few weeks have been just waiting for exam results. Waiting for Univeristy application results. Waiting for internship appliction results. Waiting for School of Business transfer results. APPEAL. WAIT. REJECT. WAIT. ACCEPT. WAIT. INTERVIEW. WAIT. SMU's school of business declined my appeal to transfer. I don't even know what to say to that. Mr I Love SMU's integrity has been questioned. I am a little angry, but very disappointed in the beaurocracy of the administration. I don't really know what to think now. And it's a little sad to think that the first person I get to tell this to isn't a person, but a white macbook connected to the internet. And he's not making me feel much better.

I know where I am now. I'm at a fucking crossroad. Yes like Britney Spears. Less shaved head. There is a guy making a signboard in front of me and he's taking his own sweet time to put up the arrows which point where I'm supposed to go. I'm so tired dammit. Even the most motivated guys need a break.

The only consolation is that I have a job this summer, and I've been accepted by the University of Indiana to do business. And one thing is for sure. I'm playing golf with boons and weims on sunday.

Give the man a few weeks. And maybe by then the signs will be up.

Jia jia you

Long day today. Just like all the other days this week. I have seen more numbers this week than my whole life combined. I woke up this morning and I got the rejection letter from NYU. Nothing better than a rejection letter to kick start the day. Alot of David's friends had been rejected too so I guess I had been realistic about my chances for getting in, and I was actually ok with it. However it did suck that I was surfing http://www.nymag.com the night before and they said that there was a damn good korean fried chicken place in New York.

Sereneseer was sick so we didn't go to brewerkz today. Sadness_forever_84. I drowned my sorrows with 4 cans of Jia Jia Liang Teh at work by raiding The Client's pantry several times, only outnumbered by the number of times I had to pee today. I like saying The Client because it makes my life sound more like a movie that was adapted from some superhero comic. The pantry auntie virtually lives in the pantry. She washes each 330ml can of soft drink and aligns them 8x10 in the freezer down to the millimeter. During her lunch break she uses her vernier callipers to make sure the space between them is equidistant. She now looks at me like an evil vulture swooping down unexpectedly on her Jia Jia cans. I mean the fridge looks like a small section of 7-11, so I can understand the obsession with beeing the keeper of the fridge, but someone has to tell auntie pantry that drinks are not assets which appreciate over time.

Apparently if you do an internship with PWC yo more or less have a job after graduation. But the work isn't easy I say. And the only thing thats keeping me alive is my 4 cans of jia jia daily. And knowing that bernard and ky are coming over for Pizza later.

So another day at The Client tomorrow. I can do this. Jia jia you.

You and me. We're so different. But that's what makes us special.

I was born first. But honestly it doesn't mean much to me anymore now that we're grown up. I used to say that you never gave me any respect growing up, but I don't think I meant respect as an older brother. What I meant was respect as a friend.

For all the times I've been hard on you I'm sorry. I am equally hard on myself too.

When we argue and shout hurtful things, we only mean to say the meanest, most painful things that we can think of. Things we really don't mean. What we never say is how much we appreciate each other. It's like a rule that is understood.

But I break this rule and I say that I am very grateful that you are my brother. I am very thankful for you. And even when we don't get along, or argue over clothes. Or who sits in front. Or who is right or wrong, I am always wishing the best for you.

And the next time we're angry. Pissed. Shouting f-words and saying the worst things. Even then. I pray that we'll think of the things we don't ever say. That I'm glad you're my brother. Always.

DAMN TIRED KIND. Numbers galore like the matrix numbers-scrolling-down action. I helped mysef to 2 jia jia's, 1 peach tea and 1 coke at the client's pantry today to help me stay alive. Feels more like work like this, which is a good thing. Just not feeling too well that's why feeling so tired. Serene also not feeling so good. Must be the weather. Hopefully can pick up soon. ZZZ. 10 jia jia's for me tmrw.

Ok it's like Thurs and day 3 of Slackfest '07. The only reason why me and my team is slacking is because we're waiting for the client to give us the 07 figures. The thing about accounting is you can't account for anything without numbers, which further stresses the importance of the word "count" in the word accounting.

My sup said she thinks I have what it takes to be an accountant so I (of course) was very pleased that me being on all fours looking for files last week had shown accounting potential. She faked the client into thinking that I was a fresh grad and the client told her that I was a fast learner over lunch. Tots not say only blowing my own horn. I'm especially proud because I thought I would DIE in accounting, but apparently dyslexia does not affect your accounting potential.

Tomorrow we're going to the holding company to sort out the serious shit finally. It's like we kicked the shit out of the sub bosses and now we have to beat the final boss to move on to our next stage. It's like Big 4 meets Double Dragon. Or Golden Axe. Or Pokemon. Or ok you get the idea. Pikachu I choose you.

Haven't done much this week. It's 3.47pm and I'm at the client today. This morning the cab came late and I made them waive the booking charge even though I'm not paying for the cab fare. I think it's about the principle though. I have a nice desk with a window, and a laptop in front of me. I sit opposite a very cheerful lady who is one of the staff. She sees me typing away at my laptop and reading imaginary figures intensly off my screen. What she doesn't know is that I haven't done much work today.

Considering what a whirlwind last week was, this week is a slow mover. I'm pretty happy to take a break because I've just recovered from a busy weekend showing Kirk around Singapore. Kirk is my huge friend from Trinidad & Tobago who I met in Canada over summer school. He graduated from Michigan and now he's in Beijing studying chinese. I can hear you say WTF?? Kirk's coming back to Singapore in a week when he's on his way back from Thailand.

Another relaxing day yesterday (Labour Day) doing nothing but waking up late, playing nintendo, and meeting weimseer for golf. The best days are always the simplest.

Spent the most of today on the net looking at business schools and finding out more about careers in banking. Just reading through all the information can be very overwhelming. Still awaiting replies from emory, usc and nyu. I better be thinking up of a plan B just in case.

I hope work picks up tomorrow like last week. Even though it was tough initially, it was pretty cool to work with numbers. Now just waiting for the client to provide us with the final year-end figures so that we can account for discrepencies and close the books finally. It's nice to have a break, but I can't wait to be back in the grind where I can act auditor.

Part of the fun of making music is you can do styles that you wouldn't typically do. This one is a folk style song I wrote this evening. I heard the loop and I immediately knew this was inspired by the melancholy mountains of canada.

Scarlet Eyes - Ian