Finally confirmed my internship. Funds and securities services with Citi. Regional sales team. The only catch is that it starts on er monday. Like this coming monday. 3 mornings a week on top of 6 modules. Ok.

I honestly did not did not want to work during the term but I didn't have much of a choice.

Whatever it is I feel glad to back because I made alot of friends there the last time and it's all familiar. When I went for the interview on Tues it really felt good to see everyone again and they were bugging me for ice cream as usual. I will bring them something next week.

The office of admissions called me today. They checked my resume and they want me to give a talk at the SMU open house about internships. It's called "SMU Super Intern". HAHA WTH. Cheesefactor2008. Someone needs to be shot. I don't really have the time to prepare but I think it's important that the kiddos coming for our open house need to know that our name is pretty out there when it comes to employment.

Damn I'm tired. Shit I can't wait for the hols so I don't have to think about anything other than just one thing. During the interview Tracy was like "Gee your schedule looks more packed than a working person." You bet Tracy.

I realised I have 10 different papers to do by the end of the term. Shit.

Went for the Citi interview this morning. I think Tracy was pleased I'm familiar with Citi so she was already asking when I could start work. She needs help asap so I might have to work mon, tues and fri mornings during school term and continue during the hols. OMG what am I doing seriously. But it's not like I can say no. Its regional sales for securities and fund services so it's front end which is good. HR called me back at 9pm to confirm which days I'm available, but omg now I'm wondering if I can take such a heavy load. I hope they don't confirm anything until next week. Help.

JPM hasn't gotten back to me. Tim says I'm probably 2nd in line and they're waiting for the first person to decline or accept. DECLINE DAMMIT YOU DECIDING -BETWEEN-JPM-OR-GOLDMAN-SACHS-IDIOT.

DIOT.

Yay, one free hour before class starts. Did some work last night till 2am. Luckily Kelvin was online to help me out. Was so fucking frustrated and annoyed. Fucking worst class ever.

I was so annoyed I drove to the petrol kiosk at 2.30am to buy noodles. Then I got back and realized the stove is not working. What the hell.

So I woke up late this morning. Thank God mom sent me to school so I could attend fucking-worst-class-ever. I got a call during class and was wondering what weird number it was. Luckily I took the call outside. Turns out Citi remembered my request and I got an interview with securities and fund services for next tues. Thanks Jing Jing.

So fucking-worst-class-ever wasn't the fucking worst class ever. Baps been talking about recession and how jobs are going to be cut. Seriously damn scary. Its a reality now. For the first time in years people are talking about difficulties in getting jobs. Sink or swim people. Sink or swim.

Time for bed. Almost. I just remember I was loading an episode of Project Runway.

JPM hasn't gotten back. I believe they must have picked someone already. I did my interview last Tuesday and still no reply. The first time I did my interview on Wed and I knew by Monday. Chances are I think the fact that I didn't have a "bachelors of business" makes this a real longshot. They are probably contacting Mr Business or Mr Accounting now and not informing the rest so that if Mr Business has another offer already they can call Mr Social Science. In my mind the interview keeps on replaying and picking on my mistakes and I am prepared for the worst.

In better news I have decided to plan something different for my summer. I've decided to go to South Africa and take the course to be a certified Safari ranger. Either 1 month or 3 months. See how it goes. Not getting JPM will suck but maybe being chased by lions will help me get over my loss and put things in perspective. This is something I've always always wanted to do and I think it will be life changing to say the least.

Just thinking about the trip the last few days has got me thinking of how I've always wanted to be a vet. I can't turn back time, but I should think of things that are related to the animal business maybe. Like Zoo management, wildlife conservation. Or even helping people, doing humanitarian work. That's been a part of me that I've suppressed for so long.

Sometimes I feel like I'm 4 different people in one person. Not in terms of personality but maybe interests. It's just that the world is so big and there are so many things to do. One thing I am grateful for is how my parents have been supportive of everything I do.

I think the worst thing to have in life is no passion and no dedication. Worst thing ever. If you're not willing to go all out for something, or you're not willing to put in the effort or have the balls to take the risks, then there's no point in living really. Who actually knows what they want to do in life? No one. But you just got to try and keep trying and searching. You just got to give 101%.

I know alot of people who shortchange themselves because they don't put effort into the things they do. And it's really sad. I find it almost annoying. It's almost like being with them saps your enthusiasm about life. But for every 10 people who are like the cattle you find 1 very inspiring person. Someone different. Who stands out because they have a passion, or because they are fighting for something. And that's rare.

Life is too damn short. Ideally we'd have 14-day weeks, half of which would be a weekend. But because we don't live in an ideal world where we have all the time in the world, we have to live it to the best. Which is a really good excuse to be a hedonist. A hedonist is someone who enjoys the pleasures in life. Guilty as charged.

Sometimes while I'm surfing I really enjoy looking at extravagant luxury websites. Cars, boats, spas, villas, travel, hotels and dining. It's fun to sit in front of the computer and live vicariously through my macbook. It's the same reason why you walk into an expensive shop even though you know you can't afford anything. It's just fun.

The funny thing is I probably know more about Las Vegas than David does. Sometimes I look at the hotels or restaurants you can find on the strip, and I see the shows they play at the Casinos. It feels like traveling for free.

I really love the idea of excess. The free flow wine and meals. The way the phantom coupe looks like a boat. The fine dining they have onboard the Silversea cruise liners. Can anyone say no to a 131 day long extended world cruise on a luxury boat?

But you know really, I just love the idea of excess. But just the idea only. After all it is fun to imagine and aspire, but I don't really need to live in an Italian villa to be happy. It's abit of a paradox isn't it? Yes I suppose. But if we aim for something like luxury and expect it then we may be disappointed. However there is no disappointment if we're really just happy with whatever we've got. It's still ok to aspire.

http://www.ulovane.co.za/courseinformation2.asp

That being said I stumbled upon this website. For 3 months you undergo training in South Africa to become a qualified Safari Ranger. No shit. 4X4 driving lessons, advanced rifle handling and a course on dangerous animals. How fucking awesome is that? I've always wanted to go to south africa and live in the wilderness. Fucking awesome. I think I would be such a happy person living that kind of life. I would give up my phantom anytime for a life in a jeep in the Serengeti. The truth is I've always been a nature type of person and this would be the epitome of living out my wildest dreams. Even more than being an artist or a vet or a banker. But I can imagine the amount of sacrifice it takes to give everything up to chase something as wild as that. How fucking awesome though.

Just finished my interview. Still in my shirt and pants and stuck at some MOS burger till my 7pm class starts. The interview went well but I've decided not to think about it anymore and just assume I didn't get it. By next week I will probably know if I got it, but I don't want to get my hopes up.

All I know is that it's been an honor to be considered for a position with JPM. I was sitting at the reception area waiting for Sumit, when I heard a familiar voice. Turns out it was Jensen. He was there for his first interview with treasury services I think. Different department. Good luck Jensen I hope we're lunch buddies for both our sakes.

This is one of the most exciting times of our lives. It's the time when we get out of school and hit the workplace. Of course school is fun and relaxed but getting a good job determines how the next phase of our lives work out. It determines how we're going to live, and ultimately how our family lives.

I am excited. Not just specifically about JPM but about life. I've worked very hard these few months and just to see the effect of my effort is something really exciting. I'm fed up of just grades and marks. They don't mean anything by themselves. Life is so much more than just a report card.

You know in life we're used to celebrating successes, but I think if we learnt how to appreciate the process and the lessons we learn from failure, we'd be alot more content about our lives. So internship or not, I hope I've learnt something along the way and just keep on keepin' on.

Tomorrow I'm going back to the JPM office for my 2nd and final round of interview. I am scared like shit but fairly confident at the same time. After a online IQ test and a interview at their office I'm back again.

Been reading finance newspapers like nobodies business. Herald Tribune, Wall Street Journal and FT oh my. Now I have an opinion about everything finance related. Just please don't ask me about derivatives because I know shit about derivatives.

I am excited and scared. After coming out of the last interview I've learnt it's important to keep your cool and be positive even if you don't know what the $%#* your interviewer is asking, and even if he is a smartass. And maybe especially if he is a smartass.

It's like meeting for an arranged wedding. If the person likes your face you're set otherwise you have to find another bride to marry.

I feel like I die abit inside when I know
But what can I do
The problem was the feelings never changed
Even till now
Tell me I'm not the only one
Tell me it isn't my imagination
Tell me it's not going to be easy to get over this
I don't want a replacement just so it makes it easier
I just want to remember it right
So maybe I have no choice to just sit and watch
And just die a little everytime

Didn't do much today. Had one class and one reunion dinner and one supper. Tomorrow is the ultimate do nothing day. Absolutely do nothing. Except reunion dinner no. 3 which requires absolutely no effort at all.

http://www.rolls-roycemotorcars.com/

Yesterday was tinkering around with changing the external paint and interiors of the Phantom coupe (convertible). Click on the link above and tell me it's not love at first site.

UBC sent me the request to send my school transcripts over and now I'm not sure I would actually transfer if I got in. Anyways not much point speculating like the last round. Let's focus on the things at hand.

Like sleep. Lots and lots of sleep. Thank God it's cny because a break could have never come in a more timely fashion.

It's 6.25am and I haven't slept yet. Just got out of bed after tossing and turning for hours. My body clock has officially gone nuts.

There's about 5 million thoughts going through my head, Just racing in my mind like the rwd and fwd buttons gone wrong. Maybe that's what I get for tiring myself out the last few weeks.

So now it's just me and a glass of Calpis soda trying to calm down. I think it's working.

I'm glad it's the new year holidays. Because I'm running on low batteries. Output is still 120% but the juice is dying and the head is aching.

You put 2 motivated, serious adults (1 bald guy and 1 girl) together and you get something like me. Dave is like mom. Mike is like Bap. Except I got everything, the good the bad and the ugly.

That still doesn't fully explain how I can't get to sleep but I suppose it explains how I got to this point. Ha yeah blame it on the parents.

I think despite the tirednesstheworktheheadeggs and the sheer inability to see the whiteboard in school anymore, I am happy. If only I just had abit of time to stand back, appreciate my life and say "Oh good job" then maybe it would be perfect, but I think I'm just so in the swing of things I just can't yet.

It's just with life there's so manythousandmillionsbillionstrillions of excitingcoolsuperfunky things to do if you go and do them. Unfortunately one day is limited by 24 hours with 60 minutes and 60 seconds. If there's one thing I don't understand it's how slack some people are. Their loss.

I imagine one day in the future I might look back and think of this headache day and think "You stupid boy doing so much and almost killing yourself. But thank god you were a stupid boy because it got you somewhere and I'm now standing where that somewhere is. And now I never have to be a stupid boy with a headache for the rest of my life because of you."

Regret. Worst word in the universe. The whole fucking universe. My only real regret in life is not learning how to play soccer properly in primary school. Regret is shit because the whole point about it is you can't change, which is how screwed up. So fuck regret.

I should write more at 7am because it seems the rubbish comes out more straight forwardly. And I just discovered mom didn't wash my cup properly. Except for that bit of breaking news I feel alot better. Ok time for bed.

Been so tired the last 2 days that whenever I read I feel like puking. Well not only when I'm reading. At dinner last night I felt like I had the biggest headache ever. Even in the bus I feel sea sick. I seriously need a break. Been so damn tired seriously. I think I'm dying.

Been working extra hard this term. Extra extra. Just so many things to do seriously.But I can't help it. There are really alot of important things to sort out this term. Tim got HSBC. Congrats! Ok at least that's one confirmed. It's very amazing how alot of my schoolmates are getting interviews with the top names. It's important because SMU is new nd we got to reach for the big banks to get us recognized.

check this out:
http://www.ralphlaurenhome.com/

Simply one of the best collections of furniture ever. I've already decided how my house is going to look like. Just select the "Modern Chairman" range and you'll get a glimpse haha. Which reminds me why I need to get a good job badly. Uncle Lung works at Citi and he recently just asked his car shop to spray paint his nokia to match his ferrari. Ok.

Oh today I got the reply from JPM. I could see it already. "Dear Ian thank you for your interest in Global Credit Risk Management but unfortunately we cannot offer you a position at this time. We wish you the best in your endeavours and hope you will continue to consider us in future." See I can write an excellent rejection letter. I could totally see how the rejection letter looked like the second I stepped out of the office, and all my smses coming out of my hp for the next 5 mins started with the word "FUCK do you know..."

I would have been totally expecting it, except this time it went "Dear Ian, Congratulations you have made it to the 2nd round of interviews..." WTF?!? I was thinking. The interviewer totally skewered me with his questions and he let me in. WTH man what a sick joke. You bitch you haha. Ok but thanks for letting me in.

Part of me says, "OMG DON'T EVEN LOOK FORWARD TO THIS, YOU'LL JUST BE DISAPPOINTED", but you know that's fucking life. You can't have that failure attitude. You have to look forward to something, to work 110% for it, to be passionate, to be excited about it, to dream it and don't second guess yourself. Otherwise you're no different from anyone else.

So in short next Tues I have a date with destiny, and probably the modern chairman collection of ralph lauren home some day.